05-10-2004, 10:50 PM
Sometimes when sh*t happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a sh*t. Here are some sh*t definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Sh*t
You know you've sh*t. There's sh*t on the toilet paper, but no sh*t in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Sh*t
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of sh*t on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Sh*t
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This sh*t leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Sh*t
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Sh*t
This kind is the kind of sh*t that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Sh*t
You sh*t so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Sh*t
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Sh*t
This sh*t is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of sh*t usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Sh*t
This sh*t hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Sh*t
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no sh*t!
Cement Block or Oh God Sh*t
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you sh*t.
Snake Sh*t
This sh*t is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Sh*t (Also Known as Floater Sh*t)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This sh*t usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Sh*t (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Sh*t
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your sh*t doesn't smell too bad, but this sh*t is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of sh*t also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of sh*t that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Sh*t
The kind of sh*t where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of sh*t where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of sh*t that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Sh*tty Sh*tty Bang Bang
The kind of sh*t that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Sh*t
The king of sh*t that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant sh*t you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Sh*t
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a sh*t.
Oh Sh*t! Sh*t
You sh*t so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SH*T!
The Never Ending Sh*t
It's the sh*t that keeps running out of your ass like pee, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more sh*t runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Sh*t
The type of sh*t that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours
Ghost Sh*t
You know you've sh*t. There's sh*t on the toilet paper, but no sh*t in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Sh*t
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of sh*t on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Sh*t
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This sh*t leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Sh*t
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Sh*t
This kind is the kind of sh*t that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Sh*t
You sh*t so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Sh*t
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Sh*t
This sh*t is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of sh*t usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks Sh*t
This sh*t hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish Sh*t
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no sh*t!
Cement Block or Oh God Sh*t
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you sh*t.
Snake Sh*t
This sh*t is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Sh*t (Also Known as Floater Sh*t)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This sh*t usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food Sh*t (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Sh*t
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your sh*t doesn't smell too bad, but this sh*t is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of sh*t also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle
The kind of sh*t that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Sh*t
The kind of sh*t where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler
The kind of sh*t where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber
The kind of sh*t that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Sh*tty Sh*tty Bang Bang
The kind of sh*t that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Sh*t
The king of sh*t that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper
The giant sh*t you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Sh*t
The kind of sh*t that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Sh*t
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a sh*t.
Oh Sh*t! Sh*t
You sh*t so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SH*T!
The Never Ending Sh*t
It's the sh*t that keeps running out of your ass like pee, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more sh*t runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt Sh*t
The type of sh*t that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours