Help me tactfully refuse a wedding invitation

[StarvingStudent47]

(Apologies, this is long. But it might be funny if you bother to read it).

(Names have been changed to protect people's identities)

A bit of background. I've got this friend, Mina, who was a real scandalous wild child through high school and college. Her and I have had a very rocky friendship, due to both personal disagreements and radically different politics/worldviews (to be more precise, she got caught up in the whole "freedom fighter" rhetoric the same year I realized that the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist). But we've tried to keep things civil, and we actually are kind of friends. Or we were--I really have kind of lost track of her over the past year, and she's changed a lot. To be more precise, she moved to Egypt, converted to Islam, and is now marrying a 30-year-old Egyptian guy ("Muhammad") who she met less than a year ago (for what it's worth, she's 21 or 22).

By the way, it's apparently taboo in Egypt to ask about a significant other's past history (especially past ****** history), so Muhammad knows NOTHING about pre-Islam Mina.

Well, I've been invited to the wedding, which will be taking place in Cairo. I'm not intending on going, and I need to find a very tactful way to say so. If I was doing the Ted Nugent thing, this is what my reply would be:


Dear Mina,

Your invitation to your wedding is very nice. Unfortunately, I have no wish to become the next Daniel Pearle. Even if my safety could be ensured--say, by two dozen US Marines chillin' out with me--I think meeting the groom's family and friends might be a bit awkward. "Hi, you're Muhammad's cousin? I'm a friend of Mina's. No, I'm not another Muslim convert, though thanks for asking. See, I knew Mina back when she was a pagan bi****** drug-using promiscuous gothic--you know, in the days when her and her boyfriend would randomly bring home a third person they picked out at a dance club for a little fun. Oh yeah, and I once went down on her high-school-age little sister at a drunken pool-party-turned-orgy. And by the way, I'm a flag-waving American and a Jew to boot."

So you see Mina, I think the wedding festivities might be rather strained for everybody if I was there. But I hope you have a splendid wedding, and enjoy your new life in a headscarf."

But you see, I'm NOT Ted Nugent, and as much as I think she's made some really dumb choices in the past year, I think that alienating her would be the worst possible thing if she ever decides to ditch the headscarf, become a feminist again, and come back to the USA. So I'm scratching my head as to how to properly tell her I'm not coming to her wedding.

Any ideas?

[MEGR]

Yea that seems fine. I wouldn't want to go to Egypt, or anywhere in the MidEast. Just be honest with her.

[Dennis G]

its a little brash but thats ok, like Devgru said be honest with her.

[ariweiner]

If you can, then just go. Egypt's not that bad...

[flickme]

Unplug your phones, turn off your lights, and stay indoors untill the wedding is done. Tactical enough for you?

[moughoun]

8 simple word's, I'm not gay, but I'm willing to learn p-)

[FallenAngel]

I say Ted Nugent is right on. Of course...edit the "pagan bi****** drug-using promiscuous gothic" description and "I once went down on her high-school-age little sister at a drunken pool-party-turned-orgy" flashback accordingly.

-OR-

Tell her you can't make it. Seems you're shipping out to Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego the week before to being your training on how to kill muslims (extremists of course).

[gilgoul]

Just be honnest and express your reservations withuot creating a casus belli.
But for your information egyptians are no ogers, but mostly civilized people who take too much care of the the etiquette of hospitality to do you any harm, so no kidnapping/beheading sequence are to be feared

You`d be surprised to by the number of egyptians who are having "iconoclastic" idea when you talk with them.
For her it might be kind of diferent thouhgt, she`ll have the "pleasure" to learn what being an eternal minor is.

[StarvingStudent47]

But for your information egyptians are no ogers, but mostly civilized people who take too much care of the the etiquette of hospitality to do you any harm, so no kidnapping/beheading sequence are to be feared

Oh, I'm sure 99.99% of Egyptians are great, peace-loving folks who have no hatred for Jews or Americans (though the other person besides Mina I know who went to Egypt would rather cut her leg off than go back). But I don't trust the Egyptian masses or the Egyptian government to be effective at controlling the remaining 0.01%. Even Mina admits that Egyptian police are more interested in collecting bribes than doing real police-work.

[percell_086]

rofl I really like your reply, made me and my dad laugh!

If yu want an escort, I'll go with you, i'm just a 'kid' but i do well with my m1 carbine :D

percell

[Ballistic]

Who's paying for the trip to Egypt ? You or her ? If it's you, easy...

"Sorry, I simply cant afford to go to Egypt right now".

[ChuckThunder]

Who's paying for the trip to Egypt ? You or her ? If it's you, easy...

"Sorry, I simply cant afford to go to Egypt right now".

Best answer so far. Egypt is very westernized compared to other Arab countries so don't be a pussy and let the terrorists win, go enjoy yourself if she is paying.

[farmgirl]

If she is still a friend... don't do the "Ted Nugent" thing. Just be polite...

Thank you for asking me to be a part of your day. I'm really sorry that I can't make it.

...I have a previous engagement
...I can't afford to make the trip
...I'm not comfortable traveling

you really don't have to give a reason if you don't want to.... just thank her for the invite, and let her know that you can't make it. It's as simple as that....

polite and courteous = good

[Fintin]

cant you just say....i cant go i have other commitments...or you cant take that much time off...i think if you sent her a letter like that...she would pritty much want to kill you...im pissed off at you for saying it frankly

[Moledet]

Yea that seems fine. I wouldn't want to go to Egypt, or anywhere in the MidEast. Just be honest with her.
Hey, Israel is safe.

[gilgoul]

Who's paying for the trip to Egypt ? You or her ? If it's you, easy...

"Sorry, I simply cant afford to go to Egypt right now".

I didn`t think of this one, but the best so far, unless she know`s you`re a millionaire.

[Vance]

Yea that seems fine. I wouldn't want to go to Egypt, or anywhere in the MidEast. Just be honest with her.
Hey, Israel is safe.
That wall works wonders. And those UN d00ds want to tear it down. :roll:


OK sorry, no more politics.

Just say you can't afford it.

[MEGR]

Ok maybe Israel.

[gaz]

Tell her you've got a really bad case of the ****s so you can't fly.

[Damian]

Hey, Israel is safe.

Are you kiddin' ?

[Moledet]

Hey, Israel is safe.

Are you kiddin' ?
No, I live here, so I know best :)
If you compare us to let's say Italy (that is now being threathend by Qaeda) we are safer.

[Moledet]

BTW, It will be funny to see that Muslim guy finding out that she has a clitoris.

[Damian]

Hey, Israel is safe.

Are you kiddin' ?
No, I live here, so I know best :)
If you compare us to let's say Italy (that is now being threathend by Qaeda) we are safer.

Now I'm in Italy and I'm absolutely not worried by al-quaieda (or something like that) anyway if you say that Israel is safe I'm happy for you, Israel is a great country and without palestinian-muslems it will be a very good place to go on vacation or to live...

[Damian]

BTW, It will be funny to see that Muslim guy finding out that she has a clitoris.

mmm nothing strange :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Nawlins]

If she is still a friend... don't do the "Ted Nugent" thing. Just be polite...

Thank you for asking me to be a part of your day. I'm really sorry that I can't make it.

...I have a previous engagement
...I can't afford to make the trip
...I'm not comfortable traveling

you really don't have to give a reason if you don't want to.... just thank her for the invite, and let her know that you can't make it. It's as simple as that....

polite and courteous = good

I agree completely. Maybe you don't agree with the circumstances, but it's still her wedding... her special day. Best not to ruin it with bad feelings. You don't have to tell her why you can't make it, especially if it involves a long and expensive trip, because most people they invite probably won't go for that reason. Most weddings include only about 50-75% of invited guests anyway.

[Hot Lips]

Dear Mina,

Who are you again?

Sincerely,

Someone that's not coming to dinner.

[Damian]

I agree completely. Maybe you don't agree with the circumstances, but it's still her wedding... her special day. Best not to ruin it with bad feelings. You don't have to tell her why you can't make it, especially if it involves a long and expensive trip, because most people they invite probably won't go for that reason. Most weddings include only about 50-75% of invited guests anyway.[/quote]

You are right but she marry a muslem so i don't think that he should have so much care, remember that she's doing a big mistake!

It's just my opinion

[farmgirl]

Dear Mina,

Who are you again?

Sincerely,

Someone that's not coming to dinner.



brrrrrrrrrrrrr! you're cold! ;)

[StarvingStudent47]

If she is still a friend... don't do the "Ted Nugent" thing. Just be polite...

Thank you for asking me to be a part of your day. I'm really sorry that I can't make it.

...I have a previous engagement
...I can't afford to make the trip
...I'm not comfortable traveling

you really don't have to give a reason if you don't want to.... just thank her for the invite, and let her know that you can't make it. It's as simple as that....

polite and courteous = good

I agree completely. Maybe you don't agree with the circumstances, but it's still her wedding... her special day. Best not to ruin it with bad feelings. You don't have to tell her why you can't make it, especially if it involves a long and expensive trip, because most people they invite probably won't go for that reason. Most weddings include only about 50-75% of invited guests anyway.

Don't worry, I WASN'T going to do the Ted Nugent thing! That was just what's going on in my head. I'm an extraordinarily tactful person in real life, and even on internet forums I don't think I'm THAT bad.

I hadn't thought of saying "I can't afford to make the trip," but the truth is I CAN'T. That's a good, easy out. I haven't had much of a chance to travel abroad, and if I were to scrape up the funds for a trip, the Arab world ranks very low on my list of where I'd want to see first. I'd much rather go to Japan, Iceland, or Ireland.

The wedding is also during the school year, and I simply can't afford to miss a week of law school (it's not like college where you can "make it up" afterward). Do you think it's okay to say "I can't afford to take time off from school," or does that sound too petty?

[Midtown]

Go with your first one! that was awesome. You need to make more terrorist claims tho. Either offend no one, or everyone, dont go for the inbetweener, thats where **** gets messy.

[Nawlins]

I don't think it's too petty... if you can't afford the trip financially AND you can't miss that much school, that's more than enough reason.

[StarvingStudent47]

You are right but she marry a muslem so i don't think that he should have so much care, remember that she's doing a big mistake!

It's just my opinion

I agree that she's making a terrible mistake. BUT that's not because Islam is inherently bad; it's because I know Mina and she's acting on a whim. She was a fencer (athelete, not criminal) for two years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. She worked in high school theater for a couple years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. In college, she got caught up in the rave scene, but then after a couple years she got bored and quit.

I'm pretty positive that she's going to "get bored" of this latest whim after a couple years as well. Especially because it's out-of-character with her previous whims. Problem is, it's much harder to walk away from "being a Muslim housewife in Egypt to a man who is 50% older than you" than it is to walk away from "being a raver" or "being a costumer in the local theatre."

But like people said, it wouldn't be fun for me OR for her for me to be sitting through her wedding ceremony, thinking to myself "you're really gonna regret this, Mina."

[Nawlins]

You are right but she marry a muslem so i don't think that he should have so much care, remember that she's doing a big mistake!

It's just my opinion

I agree that she's making a terrible mistake. BUT that's not because Islam is inherently bad; it's because I know Mina and she's acting on a whim. She was a fencer (athelete, not criminal) for two years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. She worked in high school theater for a couple years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. In college, she got caught up in the rave scene, but then after a couple years she got bored and quit.

I'm pretty positive that she's going to "get bored" of this latest whim after a couple years as well. Especially because it's out-of-character with her previous whims. Problem is, it's much harder to walk away from "being a Muslim housewife in Egypt to a man who is 50% older than you" than it is to walk away from "being a raver" or "being a costumer in the local theatre."

But like people said, it wouldn't be fun for me OR for her for me to be sitting through her wedding ceremony, thinking to myself "you're really gonna regret this, Mina."

Yeah... but it's not likely that she'll change her mind because you're not happy about it. It's also possible that she really does love this guy.

I was in a similar situation a couple years ago... my cousin was getting married and I didn't think it was a very good idea. I just told her I couldn't make the trip to attend the wedding, which was true. I wasn't going to try to convince her not to do it cause that usually doesn't work.

[Moledet]

You are right but she marry a muslem so i don't think that he should have so much care, remember that she's doing a big mistake!

It's just my opinion

I agree that she's making a terrible mistake. BUT that's not because Islam is inherently bad; it's because I know Mina and she's acting on a whim. She was a fencer (athelete, not criminal) for two years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. She worked in high school theater for a couple years because it appealed to her at the time. Then she got bored and quit. In college, she got caught up in the rave scene, but then after a couple years she got bored and quit.

I'm pretty positive that she's going to "get bored" of this latest whim after a couple years as well. Especially because it's out-of-character with her previous whims. Problem is, it's much harder to walk away from "being a Muslim housewife in Egypt to a man who is 50% older than you" than it is to walk away from "being a raver" or "being a costumer in the local theatre."

But like people said, it wouldn't be fun for me OR for her for me to be sitting through her wedding ceremony, thinking to myself "you're really gonna regret this, Mina."
Actualy it will be impossible, she can't get divorced by herself, she need to ask him to allow her to divorce him. She also can't run away to another place in the world because she need his approval to travel without him.

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

[memphiz]

Your original answer was awsome.
:D

[GrimReaper]

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

That's not 100% true. Although it's still being done, it's not all over the Arab world, just by the poor and primitive parts of society

[hank]

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

That's not 100% true. Although it's still being done, it's not all over the Arab world, just by the poor and primitive parts of society

OMFG are you serious? Removal of the clitoris? Does that s**t really still happen? I dont' want to hear ony more s**t about human rights in the Arab world. That is positively barbaric.

hank

[Bombtrack]

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

That's not 100% true. Although it's still being done, it's not all over the Arab world, just by the poor and primitive parts of society

OMFG are you serious? Removal of the clitoris? Does that s**t really still happen? I dont' want to hear ony more s**t about human rights in the Arab world. That is positively barbaric.

hank

They do it alot in Africa as well

don't they call it "Female Circumcision"?

[Moledet]

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

That's not 100% true. Although it's still being done, it's not all over the Arab world, just by the poor and primitive parts of society
I know that it's not something that people has to do, but still most of them do it (at least in Egypt). Some even die from it.

P.S. Most of the Egyptian nation is considered to be poor.

[StarvingStudent47]

OMFG are you serious? Removal of the clitoris? Does that s**t really still happen? I dont' want to hear ony more s**t about human rights in the Arab world. That is positively barbaric.

hank

Yep, still common in the third world, particularly parts of Africa. I know in some parts of Africa the surgery is done with an unsterilized piece of broken glass.

However, Mina's fiance is well-educated and modernized, so hopefully she'll be spared that ordeal.

[garyfanclub]

Jesus, that makes Male circumcision sound like a cake walk! Considering how many nerves are in that area.

[StarvingStudent47]

Jesus, that makes Male circumcision sound like a cake walk! Considering how many nerves are in that area.

The same word should not be used for the two operations, as they describe fundamentally different actions.

Male circumcision may or may not be beneficial, but it certainly isn't harmful. It also leaves the man perfectly able to take part in and enjoy ***. It is just a removal of the foreskin, which admittedly has some nerve endings in it. But it leaves the entire *****, and the man is certainly still capable of orgasm (trust me). Personally, I'm glad I'm circumcised. The general concensus I've heard is that orgasm-with-foreskin is slightly more intense, whereas circumcised men last slightly longer before orgasm. Six of one, half-dozen of another.

Female circumcision removes the entire clitois--the equivalent of cutting off the entire *****. The vast majority of women are unable to orgasm after the operation (I suppose g-spot orgasms might still be possible, but if you're living in a society that cuts off clits, chances are your husband doesn't know about or care about your g-spot). Furthermore, severe scarring is common, which makes intercourse excruciatingly painful for the rest of the woman's life.

It's a shame, the left really quit raising hell about third-world abuses against women since the War on Terror started. I guess some are afraid of sounding like a Bush cheerleader. Now, I don't like Bush either, but the idea of turning a blind eye to these horrific abuses just because you don't want to be "another Rumsfeld cronie" seems awfully short-sighted to me.

[Hot Lips]

Dear Mina,

I'm having my teetch capped that day. Sorry.

Sincerely,

You know who

[2Sheds_Jackson]

You do have to at least RSVP with a "no"..that's only polite. Tact and a sensitive touch are required when declining such an invitation. You may want to try saying-

-I'm not willing to commit the necessary time and money to your wedding, since it's likely nothing more than another half-assed phase you're passing through

-You want me to fly to Egypt and back? Yes well I'll just tap into the ol' trust fund and give the butler the week off.

-Tell me which bridesmaid catches the severed head.

-I'm afraid that your marriage will be a rather severe case of "hotdog in a hallway"..but as you know, Muslims don’t do pork.

-I'd be delighted to attend, but you forgot to enclose my requested letter from the Egyptian PM suspending the Jihad during the wedding.

-You're not going to be wearing white are you?

-Don't think of it as losing a clitoris - just think of how much more sensitive you labia will become!

-Tell Mohammed Mazel Tov!

[hank]

Well, since we're back to being cute, here is one.

"Sorry I cannot attend, I'm having my clitoris removed with a piece of broken glass."

I guarantee you'll never hear from her again b/c 1) she'll be embarassed b/c she comes from a barbaric country and 2) she didn't know you were a female. ;)

hank

[Nawlins]

And Damian, the women in Egypt doesn't have a clitoris, they remove it when they are 5 or 6 years old.

That's not 100% true. Although it's still being done, it's not all over the Arab world, just by the poor and primitive parts of society

OMFG are you serious? Removal of the clitoris? Does that s**t really still happen? I dont' want to hear ony more s**t about human rights in the Arab world. That is positively barbaric.

hank

They do it alot in Africa as well

don't they call it "Female Circumcision"?

Read and article about this recently... I believe it's technically referred to as female genital mutilation (or modification, depending on which side you're on), or FGM for short. It does happen.... the article even mentioned some sick freaks in the states who are into it (the women volunteered!!!). Makes me cringe to even think about it.

[Romulus]

I liked your original response.

Or you could go with mine.........

Dear Mina,

**** that!

Sincerely,
StarvingStudent47

[IDFM203]

-Tell Mohammed Mazel Tov! rofl rofl Good one! :D

Anyways on further thought “2shades”, that is indeed a perfect sentence to really say and I would just add, sorry I couldn’t make it due to school and expenses etc..(Though no need to go into great detail) and well I think just from the first three words (Mohammed Mazel Tov), all will be self understood ;)


I must it doesn’t get any better then insinuating the Muslim/Jewish problem and using two words that can symbolize each faith (Mohammed for Muslims and well Maze tov for Jews) and using both words back to back and at the same time coming out sounding very nice about it.

I mean she cant say it wasn’t done in a nice way for there is nothing wrong with the term Mazel Tov, and what it means and in fact generally its very appropriate


P.S to Starving student, I recall this problem a long while ago, I figured by now you would have a great response worked up, well I guess all joking aside, it is indeed a very tricky situation in how to properly get out of it.


Shalom :D

[StarvingStudent47]

What I'm ACTUALLY going to write:


Dear Mina,

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding. It sounds like it will be wonderful and I'm sorry to miss it. But I just can't afford to take a week away from law school, and I simply don't have the money for airfare right now. But I wish you a very happy wedding, and hopefully the next time we see each other, I can see some photos?

Take care and congratulations,
SS47

But here's the response I secretly really really REALLY want to write, after seeing everyone's suggestions:


Dear Mina,

Who are you again?

Sincerely,

Someone that's not coming to dinner.

[FallenAngel]

why are you even bothering to be nice?

Don't sugar coat it. You want to be "honest"? Send the origional letter.

Anything less and you're just wussing out to look good in the eyes of someone who I get the impression you don't respect all that much.

[WolverineBlue]

What I'm ACTUALLY going to write:


Dear Mina,

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding. It sounds like it will be wonderful and I'm sorry to miss it. But I just can't afford to take a week away from law school, and I simply don't have the money for airfare right now. But I wish you a very happy wedding, and hopefully the next time we see each other, I can see some photos?

Take care and congratulations,
SS47

Do this one. In and out easy.

[StarvingStudent47]

why are you even bothering to be nice?

Don't sugar coat it. You want to be "honest"? Send the origional letter.

Anything less and you're just wussing out to look good in the eyes of someone who I get the impression you don't respect all that much.

Two words, FallenAngel. Two words:

MUTUAL FRIENDS.

[mocking_loudly_died]

Dude, just say "I don't feel like going". I never attended my best friends wedding and that was only an hour away. If I wanted to bask in other people’s happiness I wouldn't have this cool apathy image going.

Of cause the offshoot is the bastard never talked to me for about six-months and various parties cast me as the local pariah; though I am a big fan of solitude - a win win situation.

[Ballistic]

What I'm ACTUALLY going to write:


Dear Mina,

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding. It sounds like it will be wonderful and I'm sorry to miss it. But I just can't afford to take a week away from law school, and I simply don't have the money for airfare right now. But I wish you a very happy wedding, and hopefully the next time we see each other, I can see some photos?

Take care and congratulations,
SS47

Thats a good way to put it. There's no need to act like an ass like so many others suggested, even if you think she is doing the wrong thing and even if you havent gotten along in the past. Writing a reply with nothing but nasty things to say is not going to make things better between you two. You made a wise choice.

[FallenAngel]

why are you even bothering to be nice?

Don't sugar coat it. You want to be "honest"? Send the origional letter.

Anything less and you're just wussing out to look good in the eyes of someone who I get the impression you don't respect all that much.

Two words, FallenAngel. Two words:

MUTUAL FRIENDS.

Those "Mutual friends" better be some hot chicks :D

[Ria]

What I'm ACTUALLY going to write:


Dear Mina,

I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend your wedding. It sounds like it will be wonderful and I'm sorry to miss it. But I just can't afford to take a week away from law school, and I simply don't have the money for airfare right now. But I wish you a very happy wedding, and hopefully the next time we see each other, I can see some photos?

Take care and congratulations,
SS47



Polite, nice...good decision. :)