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View Full Version : TN = most sohpisticated state in the US



hank
07-20-2004, 02:42 PM
Got this emailed to me just now. Maryville is a town very near Knoxville at the foot of the Smoky Mountains. Only in TN does this stuff happen.


2004-07-19
by Lance Coleman
The Maryville Daily Times

A Maryville, TN man spent his 33rd birthday in custody after police said they found him early Sunday running **** from the John Sevier pool snack bar with a box of stolen snacks.

Authorities said the man had apparently scaled an 8-foot tall fence while naked and covered in nacho cheese and was seen running toward a Jeep in which officers found clothing and an open bottle of vodka.

According to Maryville police, Michael P. Monn, born July 18, 1971, of McCall Road, Maryville, was arrested by officer Scott Spicer at 5 a.m. Sunday in the parking lot of the pool at John Sevier School, Sequoyah Avenue. Monn was charged with burglary, theft of property less than $500, vandalism less than $500 and public intoxication. He was also cited with indecent exposure. Monn was held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of $9,300 bond pending a 9 a.m. Aug. 3 General Sessions Court hearing.

Spicer reported at 3:38 a.m. Sunday he saw a Jeep CJ-7 in the parking lot of the pool and saw an open bottle of vodka in the console along with various articles of clothing. Minutes later, a **** man carrying a cardboard box ran toward the Jeep before Spicer stopped him and found the box filled with Frito Lay snacks and a container of nacho cheese.

"In addition, the male had nacho cheese in his hair, on his face and on his shoulders," Spicer reported. "The **** male had a strong odor of alcohol and was semi-incoherent."

An official with Maryville Alcoa Blount County Parks and Recreation was called to the scene and together with police, they searched the facility. They found someone had climbed an 8 foot fence, broke into the snack bar through a window, ransacked the facility, left the freezer door open and caused $100 damage by ripping the water heater from the wall, according to a report.

Authorities reported someone also defecated in a garbage can, threw nacho cheese on the exterior wall of the snack bar and scattered chips on the ground outside the facility. About $40 in chips and $7 in nacho cheese were stolen from the snack bar, police said.

hank

shrek
07-20-2004, 02:52 PM
I'm outraged! As a Tennessean I cannot condone or accept this behavior from one of my breathren. The nerve, how dare he get caught naked, covered in Nacho cheese scaling a pool fence and stealing snacks while drinking VODKA. VODKA????????????? Oh, the ripple affect is already being felt in my hometown, where the finest sippin' whiskey in the world is made.

Everyone knows, you drink Vodka to get girls drunk, Taquilla, you burn **** down, but if you're gonna get naked; DAMNIT, you're supposed to drink JACK!!! ANY QUESTIONS??

NcDeuce
07-20-2004, 02:52 PM
Got this emailed to me just now. Maryville is a town very near Knoxville at the foot of the Smoky Mountains. Only in TN does this stuff happen.


2004-07-19
by Lance Coleman
The Maryville Daily Times

A Maryville, TN man spent his 33rd birthday in custody after police said they found him early Sunday running **** from the John Sevier pool snack bar with a box of stolen snacks.

Authorities said the man had apparently scaled an 8-foot tall fence while naked and covered in nacho cheese and was seen running toward a Jeep in which officers found clothing and an open bottle of vodka.

According to Maryville police, Michael P. Monn, born July 18, 1971, of McCall Road, Maryville, was arrested by officer Scott Spicer at 5 a.m. Sunday in the parking lot of the pool at John Sevier School, Sequoyah Avenue. Monn was charged with burglary, theft of property less than $500, vandalism less than $500 and public intoxication. He was also cited with indecent exposure. Monn was held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of $9,300 bond pending a 9 a.m. Aug. 3 General Sessions Court hearing.

Spicer reported at 3:38 a.m. Sunday he saw a Jeep CJ-7 in the parking lot of the pool and saw an open bottle of vodka in the console along with various articles of clothing. Minutes later, a **** man carrying a cardboard box ran toward the Jeep before Spicer stopped him and found the box filled with Frito Lay snacks and a container of nacho cheese.

"In addition, the male had nacho cheese in his hair, on his face and on his shoulders," Spicer reported. "The **** male had a strong odor of alcohol and was semi-incoherent."

An official with Maryville Alcoa Blount County Parks and Recreation was called to the scene and together with police, they searched the facility. They found someone had climbed an 8 foot fence, broke into the snack bar through a window, ransacked the facility, left the freezer door open and caused $100 damage by ripping the water heater from the wall, according to a report.

Authorities reported someone also defecated in a garbage can, threw nacho cheese on the exterior wall of the snack bar and scattered chips on the ground outside the facility. About $40 in chips and $7 in nacho cheese were stolen from the snack bar, police said.

hank

rofl rofl rofl

A buddy of mine over @ Lambuth told me about this, that's awesome.

Beowulf
07-20-2004, 02:55 PM
very cosmopolitan...

hank
07-20-2004, 02:55 PM
I'm outraged! As a Tennessean I cannot condone or accept this behavior from one of my breathren. The nerve, how dare he get caught naked, covered in Nacho cheese scaling a pool fence and stealing snacks while drinking VODKA. VODKA????????????? Oh, the ripple affect is already being felt in my hometown, where the finest sippin' whiskey in the world is made.

Everyone knows, you drink Vodka to get girls drunk, Taquilla, you burn **** down, but if you're gonna get naked; DAMNIT, you're supposed to drink JACK!!! ANY QUESTIONS??

That is a fine point, indeed.

Also, this is a totally incorrect usage of the term "naked". In TN, "Naked" means without your clothes. "Nekkid", on the other hand, means without your clothes AND doing something you ain't supposed to be doing. This guy was definitely "nekkid".

Aslo funny to me is that Monn took time to pinch a loaf in agarbage can, and that this paper mentioned this fact in the story. Dear God in heaven, save TN from this travesty.

hank

hank
07-20-2004, 03:02 PM
A buddy of mine over @ Lambuth told me about this, that's awesome.

Man it is such a small world. With the exception possibly of shrek, you and I are probably the only guys here who know about Lambuth. That whole college is smaller than my, and probably your, high school. I have several friends that graduated from there.

hank

WolverineBlue
07-20-2004, 03:02 PM
Hilarious. I came awfully close in college doing stuff like that -- I drank a bottle of vodka (over a long amount of time) and woke up in my boxers in the TV room at the Tri-Delt house...that was interesting.

I'm sure Midtown will have something to say about you Tennessee boys.

Jack Mehoff
07-20-2004, 03:28 PM
inbred

hank
07-20-2004, 03:37 PM
inbred

Ouch. Testy today Jack?

hank

duck
07-20-2004, 03:49 PM
Wow, reminds me of college days and a kind of similar incident. Only it was indoors and just students were involved. But he's definetly got some frat spirit left.

hank
07-20-2004, 03:51 PM
Wow, reminds me of college days and a kind of similar incident. Only it was indoors and only students were involved. But he's definetly got some frat spirit left.

Not many of those Maryville boys actually get to go to "college" and be in a "frat", if you catch my drift. ;)

hank

shorty
07-20-2004, 04:32 PM
Man it is such a small world. With the exception possibly of shrek, you and I are probably the only guys here who know about Lambuth. That whole college is smaller than my, and probably your, high school. I have several friends that graduated from there.

hank Hey, hey, hey I know a few hot ladies from Lambuth. I must agree though, people in Maryville are nuts. I once saw a dude riding a mountain bike through Cades Cove completely ****....Weirdest thing I think I ever saw.... rofl

memphiz
07-20-2004, 04:37 PM
rofl