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Sierra
08-05-2004, 11:34 AM
From another board

I've never quite figured out why the ****** urges of men and women differ so much. And I've never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their hearts. I have never figured out why the ****** desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do"
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion started to heat up, and she eventually said "I don't feel like it; I just want you to hold me." I said , "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not enough in touch with my emotional needs as a woman for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes o compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing ****** satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear; let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not enough in touch with my financial needs as a man, for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy ?"

Apparently I won't be having *** again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

Sierra
08-05-2004, 11:38 AM
Some More Jokes

Sixth grade science teacher Mr. Sampson asks his class: "Who can tell me
which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student to look his way.

"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times
its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?
I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal,
who will have you fired!"

Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asked the class
the question again and this time Sam raised his hand. "Yes, Sam?"

"Mr. Sampson, Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."

"Very good, Sam. Thank you."

Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have three things to
tell you:

First, it's clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a
dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly
disappointed."
_____________________________________________________________

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take todo the dishes? Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road? He heard the chicken was a sIut.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?They don't stop and ask for directions.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?He buys two cases of beer.

Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?I don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

Vance
08-05-2004, 11:43 AM
Not bad :lol:

bishop1
08-05-2004, 11:56 AM
rofl rofl
prety damn funny