tyovan
02-02-2005, 04:08 PM
Eleanor Dachtler feels like she's lost her son twice.
The first time when Lance Cpl. Nicholas H. Anderson was killed during an insurgent attack in Iraq, and again when the military sided with her ex-husband's plan to bury their son in another state.
After learning that a little-known military policy favors the older parent in such disputes, Dachtler watched helplessly as her son was laid to rest 266 miles away in Ventura, California.
"I couldn't believe that this was happening," Dachtler said as she sat in her Las Vegas home filled with photographs of her 19-year-old son. "I can't go see him every week, talk to him. I want to go visit his grave and take him flowers."
Officials who deal with casualties say disagreements over a soldier's burial are not uncommon, particularly if there has been a divorce.
"I'm sure if you did some digging, you would find other instances of the situation we had with Lance Cpl. Anderson," said Marine Corps Capt. William Ghilarducci, who assisted Dachtler after her son's death. "That's why this policy is in place."
Military officials said most disputes are resolved among family members. But experts acknowledge the possibility exists for more such conflicts as soldiers increasingly leave behind complicated family situations -- divorces, remarriages and stepfamilies.
"There is no question that these sorts of issues will become more common as divorces grow more numerous," said Loren Thompson, a military analyst with the Lexington Institute, a defense think tank in Alexandria, Virginia.
When Dachtler was told her son had been killed on November 12, 2004, she assumed his body was being sent to Las Vegas, where Anderson had spent most of his childhood and had recently graduated from high school.
But Marine Corps officials told Dachtler, 47, that his body was being sent to his father in Southern California, where Anderson had spent summers and holidays.
The Marine Corps determined Dachtler's ex-husband, Albert Anderson, 58, was the primary next of kin authorized to handle the disposition of remains. The law says that without a spouse or child, the responsibility falls to the oldest surviving parent unless sole custody was granted by a court.
"It's a bad situation, and no one was happy with it," said Bryan Driver, spokesman for the Marine Corps Casualty Assistance Branch in Quantico, Virginia. "The rules are what they are. We had to follow them."
Dachtler, a casino cocktail waitress who had primary custody of Anderson growing up, was outraged.
"You can't determine something like this by age," she said. "You have to look at where they lived, where they spent their time. This was Nick's home."
The pain was so unbearable that she left her son's funeral before he was interred. "I refused to watch him being lowered into the ground," Dachtler said, her eyes filling with tears. "Because that's not where he was supposed to be."
When reached by telephone, Albert Anderson said he did not want to discuss the case out of respect for his son and the pain he felt over his death. "The policy that the Department of Defense has is very clear," he said.
The situation might have been avoided if Lance Cpl. Anderson had filled out a will or designated power of attorney. But the Marine Corps, along with the Army, Navy and Air Force, do not require it before deployment.
Defense Department spokesman Jim Turner said the military may encourage but cannot require a soldier to have a will, which is "a personal, private legal matter."
"Obviously it's in the best interests of the sailor and his family to do so, but we can't order them to," said Navy Lt. Kyle Raines. "It's one less thing for you to worry about so you can focus on the mission at hand."
Still shrouded in grief, Dachtler has been collecting signatures and working with elected officials to either change the law or compel soldiers to designate someone to make burial decisions for them.
"I don't want to see anyone go through this." Dachtler said, adding that times have changed since the law was enacted. "Back then, you can understand. Families were together. But this is now. It doesn't work that way."
Dachtler has hired a lawyer and is considering legal action to exhume her son's body so it can be buried at the Southern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery in nearby Boulder City.
"I'd like to bring my baby home," Dachtler said.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/02/war.burial.ap/index.html
The first time when Lance Cpl. Nicholas H. Anderson was killed during an insurgent attack in Iraq, and again when the military sided with her ex-husband's plan to bury their son in another state.
After learning that a little-known military policy favors the older parent in such disputes, Dachtler watched helplessly as her son was laid to rest 266 miles away in Ventura, California.
"I couldn't believe that this was happening," Dachtler said as she sat in her Las Vegas home filled with photographs of her 19-year-old son. "I can't go see him every week, talk to him. I want to go visit his grave and take him flowers."
Officials who deal with casualties say disagreements over a soldier's burial are not uncommon, particularly if there has been a divorce.
"I'm sure if you did some digging, you would find other instances of the situation we had with Lance Cpl. Anderson," said Marine Corps Capt. William Ghilarducci, who assisted Dachtler after her son's death. "That's why this policy is in place."
Military officials said most disputes are resolved among family members. But experts acknowledge the possibility exists for more such conflicts as soldiers increasingly leave behind complicated family situations -- divorces, remarriages and stepfamilies.
"There is no question that these sorts of issues will become more common as divorces grow more numerous," said Loren Thompson, a military analyst with the Lexington Institute, a defense think tank in Alexandria, Virginia.
When Dachtler was told her son had been killed on November 12, 2004, she assumed his body was being sent to Las Vegas, where Anderson had spent most of his childhood and had recently graduated from high school.
But Marine Corps officials told Dachtler, 47, that his body was being sent to his father in Southern California, where Anderson had spent summers and holidays.
The Marine Corps determined Dachtler's ex-husband, Albert Anderson, 58, was the primary next of kin authorized to handle the disposition of remains. The law says that without a spouse or child, the responsibility falls to the oldest surviving parent unless sole custody was granted by a court.
"It's a bad situation, and no one was happy with it," said Bryan Driver, spokesman for the Marine Corps Casualty Assistance Branch in Quantico, Virginia. "The rules are what they are. We had to follow them."
Dachtler, a casino cocktail waitress who had primary custody of Anderson growing up, was outraged.
"You can't determine something like this by age," she said. "You have to look at where they lived, where they spent their time. This was Nick's home."
The pain was so unbearable that she left her son's funeral before he was interred. "I refused to watch him being lowered into the ground," Dachtler said, her eyes filling with tears. "Because that's not where he was supposed to be."
When reached by telephone, Albert Anderson said he did not want to discuss the case out of respect for his son and the pain he felt over his death. "The policy that the Department of Defense has is very clear," he said.
The situation might have been avoided if Lance Cpl. Anderson had filled out a will or designated power of attorney. But the Marine Corps, along with the Army, Navy and Air Force, do not require it before deployment.
Defense Department spokesman Jim Turner said the military may encourage but cannot require a soldier to have a will, which is "a personal, private legal matter."
"Obviously it's in the best interests of the sailor and his family to do so, but we can't order them to," said Navy Lt. Kyle Raines. "It's one less thing for you to worry about so you can focus on the mission at hand."
Still shrouded in grief, Dachtler has been collecting signatures and working with elected officials to either change the law or compel soldiers to designate someone to make burial decisions for them.
"I don't want to see anyone go through this." Dachtler said, adding that times have changed since the law was enacted. "Back then, you can understand. Families were together. But this is now. It doesn't work that way."
Dachtler has hired a lawyer and is considering legal action to exhume her son's body so it can be buried at the Southern Nevada Veterans Memorial Cemetery in nearby Boulder City.
"I'd like to bring my baby home," Dachtler said.
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/02/02/war.burial.ap/index.html