Why the Americans Hate the French

[ogukuo72]

CAUTION: POLITICAL HUMOUR. DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.

Americans hate the French because:

1. The French can smoke where ever they like (in restaurants and in childcare centres) and whenever they like (before, during and after meals) whereas Americans who smokes would be exiled into the sun/snow/rain (delete where appropriate) by the PC police.

2. The French have invented the perfect excuse to indulge in their favourite alcoholic drink (wine is good for your heart) whereas the Americans are stuck with the obesity inducing beer as their favourite drink.

3. The French could indulge in their favourite alcoholic drink all day (lunch and dinner) whereas any American who drinks when the sun could still be seen on the horizon would be considered prime candidate for AA membership.

4. The French (especially the women) stay slim no matter how much they eat, whereas American (especially the women) stay overweight no matter how much they exercise. (Which is why American women hate French women more than American men hate French men, but that's another story.)

5. The French always look chic whereas the Americans always looked like walking fashion disaster areas.

6. French men could really dress up without being thought of as being gay, whereas American men must always dress down for fear of being thought as gay.

7. The French can urinate on the streets whereas the Americans will be arrested for lewd behaviour if they do the same.

8. It has been statistically proven that French guys who speak with a French accent will get the girls most of the time, no matter how much skinnier they are compared to the average American guy (unless he could speak with a French accent as well).

9. The French have several authors that wrote books which nobody could understand (e.g. Simone de Beauvoir and Satre) and hence could pretend to be intellectually superior, whereas the most famous American literary product is the Playboy, which everybody could understand, and hence must be intellectually inferior (Moby **** doesn't count because nobody has really read it).

10. The French invented French Fries which every American know is a French conspiracy to make Americans overweight, because nobody eats that stuff in France which is why they could all stay so slim and chic.

[James]

rofl

[Lifeinasmallbox]

sad but true

[xwar]

You forgot these two:

No matter how hard Americans try, they could never attain that aroma of **** the French reak everywhere...


Even if the Americans wanted to, they could never be defeted in 3 days by another military. (Germany. WW2 - way to roll it over, frogs)

[Clearday-TRForce]

diversity s not so bad...u can improve urself with different ways...
for example there are two engeniering system,one of s US system,other s German. U can achieve to find result with different ways...

[Ratman]

20th century American literature is incomparably broader and richer than that of France;

French fries rock (but they're of Belgian origin).

[Steel21]

Say what you will...

But I actually like the French. They are distinctly individualists.

As for their defeat, I have 2 answers:

1) It was the fault of the leadership and not the fighting men. If surrendering were a measre of fortitude, the Russians at tbe begining of Barbarosa could probably take the cake.

2) We today have NO IDEA how bloody WWI was for the Europeans, most of which was fought on French soil. If England was physically attached to the mainland, they might very well have given up as well. I personally think that WWI was the cause of every major event of the 20th century (WWII, Communism, Cold War,......).

[James]

I think this is why the original post started with this:


CAUTION: POLITICAL HUMOUR. DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.

[Legion]

8. It has been statistically proven that French guys who speak with a French accent will get the girls most of the time, no matter how much skinnier they are compared to the average American guy (unless he could speak with a French accent as well).


http://www.echonews.com/1004/images/along_came_polly.jpg

Anyone for Scuba? rofl

[sp2c]

jesus ...

only on militaryphotos.net can one of the funniest things I ever read turn into a 'bash the french' party

great job really :fork:

[Digital Marine]

but.... i like bashing the french :( p-)

[sp2c]

everybody likes bashing the French ... that's what they are here for

that's not the point, the point is that this thread was funny untill I started reading the comments.

[Digital Marine]

everybody likes bashing the French ... that's what they are here for




ahh woot

[Bluezoo]

http://www.funnypop.com/christmas/frenchhens.gif
French hens?

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/french_security.png
French security?

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/france_newmap.gif
French map?

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/chirac_putin_schroeder_stooges.jpg
A multipolar world?

For more political humor, go to this link: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/france/

[Bluezoo]

But if you feel that this is not funny anymore, go read this interesting article by Charles Krauthammer :
http://www.time.com/time/columnist/krauthammer/article/0,9565,661053,00.html

[sp2c]

no those were definately funny woot

now someone post some American funnyness for good measure :hug:

[James]

8. It has been statistically proven that French guys who speak with a French accent will get the girls most of the time, no matter how much skinnier they are compared to the average American guy (unless he could speak with a French accent as well).


http://www.echonews.com/1004/images/along_came_polly.jpg

Anyone for Scuba? rofl

rofl

[km5]

primary reason Americans dont like the French -> Speedos. That **** is just plain wrong.

[gilgoul]

8. It has been statistically proven that French guys who speak with a French accent will get the girls most of the time, no matter how much skinnier they are compared to the average American guy (unless he could speak with a French accent as well).


http://www.echonews.com/1004/images/along_came_polly.jpg

Anyone for Scuba? rofl

rofl


ROFL, this dude was so caricatural I peed myself watching the movie just for that rofl

[James]

primary reason Americans dont like the French -> Speedos. That **** is just plain wrong.

I'm wearing a Speedo right now.

It's great.

[Eat a bullet]

primary reason Americans dont like the French -> Speedos. That **** is just plain wrong.

I'm wearing a Speedo right now.

It's great.
... :|

*Pushes Washington into Canada*

AWAY!!!

[ogukuo72]

The French hates the Americans because:

1. The French can only work 35 hours a week, whereas Americans can work as much as they want.

2. Since the French can only work 35 hours a week, they have to call a strike if they want to stay home and watch football (the kind that is round and NOT make of pig skin), whereas the Americans have a national holiday for football (the kind that is NOT round) on a Sunday named after a type of eating utensil (Super Plate? Soup Bowl? Something like that ...)

3. The French have to make a virtue out of driving tiny, cramp, and Deep-Vein-Trumbosis inducing urban hatchbacks because of powerful French environmentalists, whilst Americans could continue to drive their APC-sized SUVs because they have an idiot President who refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol.

4. A wafer in the US is made from silicon and is very profitable, whereas a wafer in France is made from flour and make a profit of at most 0.50 Euro.

5. The Americans can wear anything they like to work (especially in those high-tech start-ups of which the French have none), whereas the French have to look chic and sophisticated all the time (speedos? ... sacre-bleu!).

6. American women can eat whatever they like whereas French women have to go hungry all the time since they must eat tiny portions to fit into those arbitary fashion standards tyranically imposed by facistic French fashion houses run by designers/dictators. (Which is why French women hate American women more than French men hate American men, but that's another story.)

7. The portions in French restaurant is actually less than that served at a Soviet Gulag (which is why the French believed that the Soviet Union was a paradise and why they eat snails and maggots), whereas the portions at American restaurants could feed the entire Gulag in just one serving (which is why Americans don't have to eat snails and maggots).

8. For some strange reason, nobody liked the aromatic French cheese, while the most popular type of cheese product in the world is the smell-less American Kraft.

9. The Americans have the audacity to make cheaper and better red wine than the French. (Nevermind that most of the wine come from California, which in terms of culture and politics is closer to the French than even Quebec - and no better is more French, including the French, than the Quebecians.)

10. American cigarettes are cheaper than French cigarettes (double sacre-bleu!).

[M4ko]

CAUTION: POLITICAL HUMOUR. DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.

Americans hate the French because:

1. The French can smoke where ever they like (in restaurants and in childcare centres) and whenever they like (before, during and after meals) whereas Americans who smokes would be exiled into the sun/snow/rain (delete where appropriate) by the PC police.

2. The French have invented the perfect excuse to indulge in their favourite alcoholic drink (wine is good for your heart) whereas the Americans are stuck with the obesity inducing beer as their favourite drink.

3. The French could indulge in their favourite alcoholic drink all day (lunch and dinner) whereas any American who drinks when the sun could still be seen on the horizon would be considered prime candidate for AA membership.

4. The French (especially the women) stay slim no matter how much they eat, whereas American (especially the women) stay overweight no matter how much they exercise. (Which is why American women hate French women more than American men hate French men, but that's another story.)

5. The French always look chic whereas the Americans always looked like walking fashion disaster areas.

6. French men could really dress up without being thought of as being gay, whereas American men must always dress down for fear of being thought as gay.

7. The French can urinate on the streets whereas the Americans will be arrested for lewd behaviour if they do the same.

8. It has been statistically proven that French guys who speak with a French accent will get the girls most of the time, no matter how much skinnier they are compared to the average American guy (unless he could speak with a French accent as well).

9. The French have several authors that wrote books which nobody could understand (e.g. Simone de Beauvoir and Satre) and hence could pretend to be intellectually superior, whereas the most famous American literary product is the Playboy, which everybody could understand, and hence must be intellectually inferior (Moby **** doesn't count because nobody has really read it).

10. The French invented French Fries which every American know is a French conspiracy to make Americans overweight, because nobody eats that stuff in France which is why they could all stay so slim and chic.


most of this text actualy makes fun of Americans.

[James]

The French hates the Americans because:

1. The French can only work 35 hours a week, whereas Americans can work as much as they want.

2. Since the French can only work 35 hours a week, they have to call a strike if they want to stay home and watch football (the kind that is round and NOT make of pig skin), whereas the Americans have a national holiday for football (the kind that is NOT round) on a Sunday named after a type of eating utensil (Super Plate? Soup Bowl? Something like that ...)

3. The French have to make a virtue out of driving tiny, cramp, and Deep-Vein-Trumbosis inducing urban hatchbacks because of powerful French environmentalists, whilst Americans could continue to drive their APC-sized SUVs because they have an idiot President who refused to sign the Kyoto Protocol.

4. A wafer in the US is made from silicon and is very profitable, whereas a wafer in France is made from flour and make a profit of at most 0.50 Euro.

5. The Americans can wear anything they like to work (especially in those high-tech start-ups of which the French have none), whereas the French have to look chic and sophisticated all the time (speedos? ... sacre-bleu!).

6. American women can eat whatever they like whereas French women have to go hungry all the time since they must eat tiny portions to fit into those arbitary fashion standards tyranically imposed by facistic French fashion houses run by designers/dictators. (Which is why French women hate American women more than French men hate American men, but that's another story.)

7. The portions in French restaurant is actually less than that served at a Soviet Gulag (which is why the French believed that the Soviet Union was a paradise and why they eat snails and maggots), whereas the portions at American restaurants could feed the entire Gulag in just one serving (which is why Americans don't have to eat snails and maggots).

8. For some strange reason, nobody liked the aromatic French cheese, while the most popular type of cheese product in the world is the smell-less American Kraft.

9. The Americans have the audacity to make cheaper and better red wine than the French. (Nevermind that most of the wine come from California, which in terms of culture and politics is closer to the French than even Quebec - and no better is more French, including the French, than the Quebecians.)

10. American cigarettes are cheaper than French cigarettes (double sacre-bleu!).

rofl

[meh]

rofl

Good way to get coffee out of my nose at breakfast!

[ogukuo72]

Just found out that the French had done away with the 35 hour work week, so here's another two to replace 1 and 2.

1. The Americans refuse to declare war on China because of all the sweatshops there that produced cheap but good imitations of French fashion designs.

2. Any American action star (even over-the-hill ones like Bruce, Sly or Arnie) will make more money in one low-brow, jingoistic, brain-cell-destroying movie than all the French arthouse movies ever made in history combined (which is why the actresses in those movies are always so slim - they aren't paid enough to feed themselves).

[Knutsen]

a bit off topic but related to this:

My roomate (who is American) bought one of those Rick Steve's guides to Europe and i read this:

"In all european hotel rooms there's a bidet which europeans use to stay clean instead of having a shower"

WTF????????????????

Being and european and having travelled to almost all EU countries, i can say i've NEVER seen/heard of anyone having a shower in the bidet.

[Ratman]

a bit off topic but related to this:

My roomate (who is American) bought one of those Rick Steve's guides to Europe and i read this:

"In all european hotel rooms there's a bidet which europeans use to stay clean instead of having a shower"

WTF????????????????

Being and european and having travelled to almost all EU countries, i can say i've NEVER seen/heard of anyone having a shower in the bidet.

woot woot woot

I think you've misunderstood the passage. It means that instead of taking a full shower (in the shower), they might just wash up you-know-where by using the bidet.

True (boring) story: during my first trip to France (19 yrs old), I was by myself and holed up in a 2 star Parisian "hotel", where the showers and bathrooms were down the hall. No problem, it was cheap. But I got into the room and there was this "bowl" there. I pissed in it for 3 days, thinking that it was a urinal (for midgets). :oops: Oh well, live and learn. ;)

[Knutsen]

I think you've misunderstood the passage. It means that instead of taking a full shower (in the shower), they might just wash up you-know-where by using the bidet.

I know it does't mean a full shower but still sounds strange.
Ratman, you'd be surprised of the things i've done/seen people do in the bidet.

Btw, French "hotels" suck. In normal conditions i tend to defend my beloved neighbours, but regarding hotels...... i just can't do anything

[b33f]

[img]http://www.funnypop.com/christmas/frenchhens.
French hens?

[img]http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/french_security.
French security?

[img]http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/france_newmap
French map?

[img]http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/graphics/chirac_putin_schroeder_stooges
A multipolar world?

For more political humor, go to this link: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/france/

or here: http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=36397&highlight=french+humour

:)

[oregongrunt]

http://www.jacques-itch.com/images/chirac-soddom.jpg

http://www.jacques-itch.com/images/frenchkisstoon.gif