digrar
03-28-2005, 07:06 AM
thebladder (http://www.thebladder.com.au/content/contribution/default.asp?ContributionType=1&fullreport=3297)
RUGBY UNION
“Disco isn’t dead” as Wales return to glory
By paddles
Monday, 21 March 2005
After the surprise return to form of the sheep-worrying nation this weekend, the IRB convened an emergency meeting to make important law changes in response. These are summarised below and come into force with immediate effect:
1. All rugby players and fans must grow bushy sideburns and a moustache (obviously, this signifies little or no change for most female Kiwi supporters).
2. A try will revert to 3 points.
3. Tours to South Africa will be banned until the apartheid laws are repealed or the entire team grow the same 70’s hairstyle as Schalk Burger.
4. Any player suspected of even thinking about playing a rugby league match will be hung, drawn and quartered and their corpse strung up from Twickenham’s north stand to be pelted with stones on match days as a warning to others.
5. Wingers must throw the ball in at line-outs.
6. All team photos on display in rugby clubs that were taken later than the release date of the last Abba album must be removed and replaced with random photos of hairy fat blokes with lots of tape wrapped around their ears.
7. Peace in Ireland and the IRA ceasefire will seem a shaky prospect (the IRB are pleased to announce early progress on this law change).
8. Pre-match preparations for International teams prior to test matches shall consist of a rousing sing-along of tunes about virgins on bus journeys to Swansea, a beer-skulling competition followed by 10 unfiltered cigarettes and “a bit of a stretch” in velour tracksuit pants.
9. The dead one from the BeeGees will be disinterred and forced to go on tour with the band, supported by John Travolta in his original white suit (following the planned extreme liposuction procedure).
10. **** will be limited to soft-focussed rubbish with crappy keyboard music and poorly lip-synched overdubs.
11. The entire Australian cricket squad will be refused entry to the UK. This is hoped to provide England with a chance to win the Ashes although it is recognised that this isn’t a certainty.
RUGBY UNION
“Disco isn’t dead” as Wales return to glory
By paddles
Monday, 21 March 2005
After the surprise return to form of the sheep-worrying nation this weekend, the IRB convened an emergency meeting to make important law changes in response. These are summarised below and come into force with immediate effect:
1. All rugby players and fans must grow bushy sideburns and a moustache (obviously, this signifies little or no change for most female Kiwi supporters).
2. A try will revert to 3 points.
3. Tours to South Africa will be banned until the apartheid laws are repealed or the entire team grow the same 70’s hairstyle as Schalk Burger.
4. Any player suspected of even thinking about playing a rugby league match will be hung, drawn and quartered and their corpse strung up from Twickenham’s north stand to be pelted with stones on match days as a warning to others.
5. Wingers must throw the ball in at line-outs.
6. All team photos on display in rugby clubs that were taken later than the release date of the last Abba album must be removed and replaced with random photos of hairy fat blokes with lots of tape wrapped around their ears.
7. Peace in Ireland and the IRA ceasefire will seem a shaky prospect (the IRB are pleased to announce early progress on this law change).
8. Pre-match preparations for International teams prior to test matches shall consist of a rousing sing-along of tunes about virgins on bus journeys to Swansea, a beer-skulling competition followed by 10 unfiltered cigarettes and “a bit of a stretch” in velour tracksuit pants.
9. The dead one from the BeeGees will be disinterred and forced to go on tour with the band, supported by John Travolta in his original white suit (following the planned extreme liposuction procedure).
10. **** will be limited to soft-focussed rubbish with crappy keyboard music and poorly lip-synched overdubs.
11. The entire Australian cricket squad will be refused entry to the UK. This is hoped to provide England with a chance to win the Ashes although it is recognised that this isn’t a certainty.