Archive Thread 7- Have you ever accidently **** your pants in a public place?

[Clete Torres]

I did once. And it was a bad one to. Opening weekend of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. After a Friday night of heavy drinking and eating deviled egg horderves at a party, I met my brother for the 10:30 AM showing the following morning. We got there early for center row seats so keep in mind that I had at least 15 people I had to pass with my **** smeared ass in their face before I could make my escape. So anyway, right around the time the pod racer scene comes on I start getting these horrible stomach pains which I misdiagnosed as just gas. This one pain started so I just pushed, hoping to expel a giant fart. The next thing I know my pants exploded. Liquid poop came out of me with such force it was all over my balls and my upper thighs. When I leaned over to my brother to explain what just happened the smell had already hit and he told me to get the **** away from him. I had to poop scoot past at least 15 people before I hit the lobby running all the way to my car and then home for a very long shower and a whole lot more diarrhea. After the show my brother called and he said I cleared out the row. **** ing people just left after only seeing half of the movie they waited 15 years to see. **** ing gross.

[Malc]

I did once. And it was a bad one to. Opening weekend of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. After a Friday night of heavy drinking and eating deviled egg horderves at a party, I met my brother for the 10:30 AM showing the following morning. We got there early for center row seats so keep in mind that I had at least 15 people I had to pass with my **** smeared ass in their face before I could make my escape. So anyway, right around the time the pod racer scene comes on I start getting these horrible stomach pains which I misdiagnosed as just gas. This one pain started so I just pushed, hoping to expel a giant fart. The next thing I know my pants exploded. Liquid poop came out of me with such force it was all over my balls and my upper thighs. When I leaned over to my brother to explain what just happened the smell had already hit and he told me to get the f*** away from him. I had to poop scoot past at least 15 people before I hit the lobby running all the way to my car and then home for a very long shower and a whole lot more diarrhea. After the show my brother called and he said I cleared out the row. f*** ing people just left after only seeing half of the movie they waited 15 years to see. f*** ing gross.


Why do you feel like you have to share???? :bash:

[CONSERVATIVE53]

My uncle was like one of the top guys for Kraft (the food company) and he was at a meeting with a bunch of executives when he sharted really loud, and he had white pants on. Once my cousin took a crap in his pants at a concert. Maybe Clete Torres has a crap fetish.

[Clete Torres]

My friend **** his pants at work about an hour ago. He called and said he threw his undies in the trash and he's free balling it for the rest of the day. His story reminded me of mine and I just want to see if anyone could top it.

[Midav]

thanks for sharing....

[Howie Kaluha]

that's the sickest thing I've read on here in a long time.


:|


I pooped myself once when I was like 5 or 6. Hated pooping in public toilets. So, I tried to hold it all day till I got home. That didn't work :cantbeli:

[jetsetter]

These are the little things that make life worth living. p-)

[futurepilot2004]

What a horrible yet strangely erotic thread :lol: :lol:

[[AFSOC]]

i think its funny

[Adumb]

http://balr0g.free.fr/hfr/img/continue.jpg

:|

[Clete Torres]

I got an update from my friend who **** his pants at work today. Turns out a guy he works with watched some illegal immigrant Mexican chick clean the bathroom where he disposed of his soiled boxers and when she went to tie off the trash bag where they were she caught a huge whiff and puked a little bit. **** ing hysterical.

[Pandy]

Yes, I have, but ****ting in front of your local walmart during the afternoon gets more attention.

[Eat a bullet]

Accidentally?

No.

[Pandy]

Accidentally?

No.

Story to be added bulletman

[Clete Torres]

Yes, I have, but ****ting in front of your local walmart during the afternoon gets more attention.Or on the salad bar at Wendy's. That's a real attention getter.

[Jack Mehoff]

yeah, at least once a week for me, but it's beyond my control.

[)I(EHbKA.]

I did once. And it was a bad one to. Opening weekend of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. After a Friday night of heavy drinking and eating deviled egg horderves at a party, I met my brother for the 10:30 AM showing the following morning. We got there early for center row seats so keep in mind that I had at least 15 people I had to pass with my **** smeared ass in their face before I could make my escape. So anyway, right around the time the pod racer scene comes on I start getting these horrible stomach pains which I misdiagnosed as just gas. This one pain started so I just pushed, hoping to expel a giant fart. The next thing I know my pants exploded. Liquid poop came out of me with such force it was all over my balls and my upper thighs. When I leaned over to my brother to explain what just happened the smell had already hit and he told me to get the f*** away from him. I had to poop scoot past at least 15 people before I hit the lobby running all the way to my car and then home for a very long shower and a whole lot more diarrhea. After the show my brother called and he said I cleared out the row. f*** ing people just left after only seeing half of the movie they waited 15 years to see. f*** ing gross.

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

this ****ing crazy, I bet that was the most embarrassing moment of your life

[Pandy]

Yes, I have, but ****ting in front of your local walmart during the afternoon gets more attention.Or on the salad bar at Wendy's. That's a real attention getter.

No, getting all the carts from the walmart and moving them ALL to the back parking lot, and then watch them get em...

I remember being a kid one time, and what I would do sometimes at any store, is look out for people who park their car in front of the store. If it's still running and they were still in the store for 10-20 minutes, with the keys in it, i would jump into the car and park it on the far end of the parking lot, with their keys locked in the car.

I did my civil duty!

[Kilgor]

I did once. And it was a bad one to. Opening weekend of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. After a Friday night of heavy drinking and eating deviled egg horderves at a party, I met my brother for the 10:30 AM showing the following morning. We got there early for center row seats so keep in mind that I had at least 15 people I had to pass with my **** smeared ass in their face before I could make my escape. So anyway, right around the time the pod racer scene comes on I start getting these horrible stomach pains which I misdiagnosed as just gas. This one pain started so I just pushed, hoping to expel a giant fart. The next thing I know my pants exploded. Liquid poop came out of me with such force it was all over my balls and my upper thighs. When I leaned over to my brother to explain what just happened the smell had already hit and he told me to get the f*** away from him. I had to poop scoot past at least 15 people before I hit the lobby running all the way to my car and then home for a very long shower and a whole lot more diarrhea. After the show my brother called and he said I cleared out the row. f*** ing people just left after only seeing half of the movie they waited 15 years to see. f*** ing gross.

Disgusting but bloody hillarious :D

[Stormy]

Never, ever.

[HoboWithAK]

One of the few things I ever remember of my before-10 days.

I was 6, maybe 7, and was at my good buddy's parent's barn/hunting camp kind of thing at their family reunion blowout partry. Everyone was wasted, and I mean wasted, except for me and my friend (hey, we didn't even have armpit hair), a couple of his cousins and his mother. Well, I had to go, REALLY bad. There were two bathrooms at this place, 20 miles from civilization. One was in the barn-turned-bar, in the back, inaccessable becuase of the crowd and now I probably think it was filled with puke. The other was an port-a-potty just outside the barn, inbetween a few parked cars. Well, I went to the port a potty, lo-and-behold, there is a couple getting it on. I, being stupid, told them to move their asses RFN (probably not my exact words), and the girl literally kicked me out. That was my first view, ever, of ****** (she had her bra on). So I waited, and waited, and waited. I figure it had to have been half an hour when I knocked again. Again, greeted with a chorus of "get away, kid!". So, I just **** my pants. I was real young, so I had no humility, and I went into the barn/bar to find my friend's mom who had brought us. I specifically remember asking this one woman where she was, and she escorted me through a crowd of drunks, who all started to part as if I was Jesus stepping through their place. My bud's mom was sitting on a stool (no, a stool, like what you sit on, not what was filling my pants), and I remember it as there being a 5 foot radius absolutly clear around her. So, I had to tell her what happened. I summed it up in just a few words, but it was one of those moments where everyone seems to get real quiet right before you say something embarassing or incriminating. "I pooped my pants, Misses xxxxxxx." The entire room was quiet, everyone holding onto their beer or drink, staring at me. I had no humility at all, I wasn't embarassed one bit, which was probably a good thing at the time. Well, his mother just looks at me and says, "kids ****ing in the toilet, again?" EVERYONE started laughing, it was like being in the middle of a stampede it was so loud. Everyone started saying, "give that kid a drink, he earned it!" Too bad I was too young to enjoy it. So, on the ride home in their Dodge, me and my friend were sitting in the back seat. An whenever I would move, you could hear a "squish squish" coming from my pants, and we thought it was the most hilarious thing on the face of the earth. Squish squish.

[Seraphim]

How bout have you **** your pants on purpose...?

[MEGR]

rofl

[Bulkowski]

This is where you lost all your dignity

[Franklin]

One time while running track at school it just let loose with no warning, it slowly streamed down my leg, nice an juicy. I just jogged the two blocks to my house and stayed home the rest of the day. I thought it was pretty funny 'till my dad saw my ****-stained shorts and socks...Still haven't lived that down.

[stuntman]

This has got to be the best thread of the day please keep this up fellas... rofl

[DarkCypher]

I remember ****ting myself when I was about 6 :cantbeli: I think I had the trots or something. I was walking home from school with my mum and I couldn't hold it... :(
It slid all the way down my legs and onto the footpath... :(

[nagant_m44]

Ok, when i was in 10th grade, i was staying at school to do a science fair project. I had had a stomach ache all day, and i thought it was just gas, just as Mr. Torres pointed out. So i pushed and it came out. Since i had just left weight training class, i was still a bit sweaty, so i thought that the "wetness" on my boxers was sweat. I didnt realize it was **** until i saw a wierd brown liquid dripping down me left pantleg. Then, my stomach felt as if it was going to explode, so i ran to the bathroom, and just a few seconds before i got on the toilet, well, basically it was like someone had opened the diarhea faucet on my ass. It shot everywhere, and it got all over my shoes. Thank god i had my gymn clothes with me, or i would have been stuck there overnight, since i was not going to streak home.

[Jeremiah]

oh my god :cantbeli: ..............disgusting but hilarious rofl rofl kep these stories coming, this is the most funniest thred I've heard in an while. rofl rofl.

you lack discipline, you need more self control rofl rofl :lol:

[tyovan]

This is the only time I can remember ever laughing so much that I've had tears coming out of my eyes!

More stories!!!

[toki]

Mine is even military related:

I think i was 6 the last time it happened. I had to go really hard. It was somewhere in a rural area away from home on a summerholiday weekend. So i didn't tell mommy what's building up inside me. Then some low flying jetfighters passed and i was scared for a second and let it happen. They fly (flew?) very low in the flatlands of northern germany.
Not sure if they were Luftwaffe, RAF or USAF - they all fly here, but they broke my soundbarrier. Cold war... :lol:

[Gauntlet]

I never crapped in a public place but crapping the pants does suck. Last winter I had the worst stomach flu ever, I was ****ting all day. My girlfriend asked me how I was doing, I just said I was throwing up a lot, cause diarrea is just way to disgusting, esspessially if you crapped your bed while you were asleep. When I woke up I was sitting in a shallow pool of liquid poop. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

[FozzieBear]

almost just shat my pants now.... i have constipation and have taken ex lax, this **** doesnt work! i aint done the biggie yet.

[Gnist]

9 years ago, while i was sailing PT boats. We were on a tour, after 12 days with nothing more than a couple of stolen minutes of sleep a day. We came to port and i CO came and said that we would be attacked by 30 or so Army infantry, and we had to take defensive positions. And since i was in the deck department, we were 4 private ratings and one MSgt. But we had to be out in front, with or old Husqvarna MPs, 9mm of pure goodness. I was some what.... sleepy. After like 30 mins i was snozzing sweetly, sitting in the rear guard and then my MSgt comes sneaking, this guy was the incarnation of evil, he had been watching me as i slipped away to never everland. So when he saw the first of our attackers, he took the MG42 DK version, and gently laid on my helmet top.... and unleashed hell... I got so f**** scared i sharted in my NBC suit. This not helping that i had shellfish the night before... wich gives me the runs.

Well **** happens under fire. ;)

[username]

If I am hungary I will do it. Just so I have something to eat. :D

[mudbunny]

I never have but when I was in high school I worked at the local K-mart and one day 2 severly retarded kids came into the store with an adult. I saw them walking towards the bathroom and I was a stockperson and was in charge of cleaning the bathrooms so I was always real paranoid about people goin into the head and screwing things up. So I get curious and decide to see what these two mongoloids are doing in the john, I walk in and I think my head looked like a grape, I was that pissed. One of the guys has his head over the toilet and is puking his guts out, and it's not just going in the toilet but all over the place because he keeps raising his head to watch his ape friend who HAS HIS ASS IN THE SINK and is emptying the contents of his bowels into this little ass sink. And the sink is real shallow so the liquid **** is hitting the sink and then flying up behind the guy and splashing all over the mirror above the sink. So I start gagging because it smells like the devils diahrea and run the hell out bumping into my manager outside, he asks what the hell is wrong, and with one hand over my mouth I just point to the bathroom door. He goes in comes out and says "you better hurry up and clean all that **** because I have to take a dump". I just looked at him in total disbelief, ripped off my red employee vest and walked the hell out, still nauseous from the smell. Guess how long I worked there, 1 DAY!!!!!

[Clete Torres]

1st prize! That is the funniest story I've ever heard. **** ing ape friend. Comedy.

[ComradeStalin]

How bout have you **** your pants on purpose...?

I did that once to gross someone out. On a roadtrip out to Oklahoma with my family I went into some bathrooms and put on some dirty boers and pants. Once I knew we were 10 minutes away from Lawton (a city) I took a big nice **** in the car. It came out as one big and thick long turd but after hopping up and down and getting shoved around I smushed it everywhere, some of it even came out of my pants. I thought it was gonna be ok except when we were about to get to Lawton my dad decided it would be worth it if we just went straight to Walters (where a bunch of my relatives live) and arrive at my aunts house and make me change there and get all embarassed. Once we arrived all of my uncles and aunts and about 14 of my cousins we there, I was so frickin redfaced at my dad. The entire car smelled like hot **** and so did I, worst day of my life.

[Clete Torres]

How bout have you **** your pants on purpose...?

I did that once to gross someone out. On a roadtrip out to Oklahoma with my family I went into some bathrooms and put on some dirty boers and pants. Once I knew we were 10 minutes away from Lawton (a city) I took a big nice **** in the car. It came out as one big and thick long turd but after hopping up and down and getting shoved around I smushed it everywhere, some of it even came out of my pants. I thought it was gonna be ok except when we were about to get to Lawton my dad decided it would be worth it if we just went straight to Walters (where a bunch of my relatives live) and arrive at my aunts house and make me change there and get all embarassed. Once we arrived all of my uncles and aunts and about 14 of my cousins we there, I was so frickin redfaced at my dad. The entire car smelled like hot **** and so did I, worst day of my life.After all the **** that I've said around here I'm not going to pretend that something you said was disgusting, but I will say this. You my friend are a wierdo.

[Rantanplan]

What kind of thread is this? 0o0

[ComradeStalin]

How bout have you **** your pants on purpose...?

I did that once to gross someone out. On a roadtrip out to Oklahoma with my family I went into some bathrooms and put on some dirty boers and pants. Once I knew we were 10 minutes away from Lawton (a city) I took a big nice **** in the car. It came out as one big and thick long turd but after hopping up and down and getting shoved around I smushed it everywhere, some of it even came out of my pants. I thought it was gonna be ok except when we were about to get to Lawton my dad decided it would be worth it if we just went straight to Walters (where a bunch of my relatives live) and arrive at my aunts house and make me change there and get all embarassed. Once we arrived all of my uncles and aunts and about 14 of my cousins we there, I was so frickin redfaced at my dad. The entire car smelled like hot **** and so did I, worst day of my life.After all the **** that I've said around here I'm not going to pretend that something you said was disgusting, but I will say this. You my friend are a wierdo.

Thats why Im on Militaryphotos.net

[nagant_m44]

What kind of thread is this? 0o0

this is the ****pants anonymous confessional thread

[HoboWithAK]

almost just shat my pants now.... i have constipation and have taken ex lax, this **** doesnt work! i aint done the biggie yet.

Me too. Just, i'm pushing about a week. The funny thing is, I don't even feel like I NEED to go, like aliens come at night and empty me out. It's starting to freak me out.

[nagant_m44]

almost just shat my pants now.... i have constipation and have taken ex lax, this **** doesnt work! i aint done the biggie yet.

Me too. Just, i'm pushing about a week. The funny thing is, I don't even feel like I NEED to go, like aliens come at night and empty me out. It's starting to freak me out.

well one of these days your going to have to **** really bad but you are going to have trouble because the piece of **** will be too big to come out... If that happens, then take a stool softener or something

[HoboWithAK]

almost just shat my pants now.... i have constipation and have taken ex lax, this **** doesnt work! i aint done the biggie yet.

Me too. Just, i'm pushing about a week. The funny thing is, I don't even feel like I NEED to go, like aliens come at night and empty me out. It's starting to freak me out.

well one of these days your going to have to **** really bad but you are going to have trouble because the piece of **** will be too big to come out... If that happens, then take a stool softener or something

Already took two yesterday and one today. Might go see a doctor, i've had some colon cancer history in my family.

[Jeremiah]

I never have but when I was in high school I worked at the local K-mart and one day 2 severly retarded kids came into the store with an adult. I saw them walking towards the bathroom and I was a stockperson and was in charge of cleaning the bathrooms so I was always real paranoid about people goin into the head and screwing things up. So I get curious and decide to see what these two mongoloids are doing in the john, I walk in and I think my head looked like a grape, I was that pissed. One of the guys has his head over the toilet and is puking his guts out, and it's not just going in the toilet but all over the place because he keeps raising his head to watch his ape friend who HAS HIS ASS IN THE SINK
behind the guy and splashing all over the mirror above the sink. So I start gagging because it smells like the devils diahrea and run the hell out bumping into my manager outside, he asks what the hell is wrong, and with one hand over my mouth I just point to the bathroom door. He goes in comes out and says "you better hurry up and clean all that **** because I have to take a dump". I just looked at him in total disbelief, ripped off my red employee vest and walked the hell out, still nauseous from the smell. Guess how long I worked there, 1 DAY!!!!!

Funny story, I would had done the same thing, There no way in heaven or hell that I would had cleand up that mess you described above. :lol: rofl rofl rofl

[Benny]

rofl rofl rofl rofl

Great topic!

[Bryson C]

Yes nice thread indeed all it needs now is some pictures.

[Lifeinasmallbox]

never personally but one of my buddies did...it was winter and we were walking home from a friends house and he sharted...looked at me for like 15 seconds, picked up a snowball...whiped his brown eye and then threw the the ball of bowel at a nearby window...holy hell did i puke my self up when he did that...

[SR15]

Mine is even military related:

I think i was 6 the last time it happened. I had to go really hard. It was somewhere in a rural area away from home on a summerholiday weekend. So i didn't tell mommy what's building up inside me. Then some low flying jetfighters passed and i was scared for a second and let it happen. They fly (flew?) very low in the flatlands of northern germany.
Not sure if they were Luftwaffe, RAF or USAF - they all fly here, but they broke my soundbarrier. Cold war... :lol:

hehe , My exgirlfriend once got scared and farted really loud ( loudest I ever heard) she was a nice girl and I couldnt expect that from her. that was so funy and she was very embarassed. for the rest of the day she was asking me not tell my friends about this.

rofl rofl
this thread is greeat , I am crying its so funny...

[nagant_m44]

well the worst thing about my experience was telling people why i was barefoot and carrying ****covered pants to the car. When i remember it now, i laugh because every time i thought the diarhea was done, i would get to the door of the stall, i would groan and i would run back to the toilet. I later discovered i had very severe food poisoning. I swear that for the rest of the week my ass was a fountain of ****.

[Clete Torres]

well the worst thing about my experience was telling people why i was barefoot and carrying ****covered pants to the car. When i remember it now, i laugh because every time i thought the diarhea was done, i would get to the door of the stall, i would groan and i would run back to the toilet. I later discovered i had very severe food poisoning. I swear that for the rest of the week my ass was a fountain of ****.That's funny. When my incident happened I was living with my parents and I remember runing in the house past my mother to the shower and yelling at her to bring me a paper bag for my ****ty pants.

[nagant_m44]

well the worst thing about my experience was telling people why i was barefoot and carrying ****covered pants to the car. When i remember it now, i laugh because every time i thought the diarhea was done, i would get to the door of the stall, i would groan and i would run back to the toilet. I later discovered i had very severe food poisoning. I swear that for the rest of the week my ass was a fountain of ****.That's funny. When my incident happened I was living with my parents and I remember runing in the house past my mother to the shower and yelling at her to bring me a paper bag for my ****ty pants.

well atleast you were at home. I was in the stall so long that the freakin janitor turned off the lights, and i had to walk over to the switch bottomless. :(

[Clete Torres]

well the worst thing about my experience was telling people why i was barefoot and carrying ****covered pants to the car. When i remember it now, i laugh because every time i thought the diarhea was done, i would get to the door of the stall, i would groan and i would run back to the toilet. I later discovered i had very severe food poisoning. I swear that for the rest of the week my ass was a fountain of ****.That's funny. When my incident happened I was living with my parents and I remember runing in the house past my mother to the shower and yelling at her to bring me a paper bag for my ****ty pants.

well atleast you were at home. I was in the stall so long that the freakin janitor turned off the lights, and i had to walk over to the switch bottomless. :(Hey mother **** er, I **** my pants sitting dead center in the middle a movie theater showing a sold out summer block buster. I was with 300 other people. Both of us may have been sitting in dark rooms but at least after the janitor left you were alone.

[nagant_m44]

well the worst thing about my experience was telling people why i was barefoot and carrying ****covered pants to the car. When i remember it now, i laugh because every time i thought the diarhea was done, i would get to the door of the stall, i would groan and i would run back to the toilet. I later discovered i had very severe food poisoning. I swear that for the rest of the week my ass was a fountain of ****.That's funny. When my incident happened I was living with my parents and I remember runing in the house past my mother to the shower and yelling at her to bring me a paper bag for my ****ty pants.

well atleast you were at home. I was in the stall so long that the freakin janitor turned off the lights, and i had to walk over to the switch bottomless. :(Hey mother f*** er, I **** my pants sitting dead center in the middle a movie theater showing a sold out summer block buster. I was with 300 other people. Both of us may have been sitting in dark rooms but at least after the janitor left you were alone.

but you didn't know all those 300 people. I had to walk down the halls of my school with people i knew seeing my carrying **** covered pants asshole.

[Maverick77]

Few years ago in school I was writing a math test and I had to **** extremely bad. But I thought I was too good to take a **** in the schools bathrooms...

So lunch came and I tried to sprint home but couldnt run... so I walked home with my ass cheeks together and 10 feet from my driveway it just flowed through my jeans there was no way I could hold it in anymore.


I took the afternoon off to clean up and got 7% on the math test.

[usa320]

thought it was just gas


Jesus, how many horror stories do you guys have to read before you learn your lesson?

If "its just gas" comes to your mind, it usually isnt.

[Jeremiah]

Few years ago in school I was writing a math test and I had to **** extremely bad. But I thought I was too good to take a **** in the schools bathrooms...

So lunch came and I tried to sprint home but couldnt run... so I walked home with my ass cheeks together and 10 feet from my driveway it just flowed through my jeans there was no way I could hold it in anymore.


I took the afternoon off to clean up and got 7% on the math test.

hahahah rofl, put toilet paper on the toilet seat. It's better than embarrassing
yourself in front of your math class and shating in your pants in school. rofl rofl rofl :bash:

[nagant_m44]

Few years ago in school I was writing a math test and I had to **** extremely bad. But I thought I was too good to take a **** in the schools bathrooms...

So lunch came and I tried to sprint home but couldnt run... so I walked home with my ass cheeks together and 10 feet from my driveway it just flowed through my jeans there was no way I could hold it in anymore.


I took the afternoon off to clean up and got 7% on the math test.

hahahah rofl, put toilet paper on the toilet seat. It's better than embarrassing
yourself in front of your math class and shating in your pants in school. rofl rofl rofl :bash:

hey it isnt all the funny when it happens to you... :(

[Maverick77]

Few years ago in school I was writing a math test and I had to **** extremely bad. But I thought I was too good to take a **** in the schools bathrooms...

So lunch came and I tried to sprint home but couldnt run... so I walked home with my ass cheeks together and 10 feet from my driveway it just flowed through my jeans there was no way I could hold it in anymore.


I took the afternoon off to clean up and got 7% on the math test.

hahahah rofl, put toilet paper on the toilet seat. It's better than embarrassing
yourself in front of your math class and shating in your pants in school. rofl rofl rofl :bash:


I didnt **** myself in school

I **** myself in front of my house no one knew until I told them

[main_unit]

before i got my drivers license i got to work on my bike
one day,3 years ago,i just started biking to my work lets say 10 minutes from my HQ
then suddenly i feel like i need to fart hard,so i stand up from my seat and fart then i sat down,there u go,i felt something WET
so,knowing i just **** my pants i continued to go to work because i have a boss straight out of hell
when i got on my work i sprinted towards the toilet and had to throw away my boxer

image this,bicycling to your job for 30 more minutes,with **** in your pants,i kept standing on the pedals



BEST THREAD EVER!!!!

[Clete Torres]

before i got my drivers license i got to work on my bike
one day,3 years ago,i just started biking to my work lets say 10 minutes from my HQ
then suddenly i feel like i need to fart hard,so i stand up from my seat and fart then i sat down,there u go,i felt something WET
so,knowing i just **** my pants i continued to go to work because i have a boss straight out of hell
when i got on my work i sprinted towards the toilet and had to throw away my boxer

image this,bicycling to your job for 30 more minutes,with **** in your pants,i kept standing on the pedals



BEST THREAD EVER!!!!I **** ing love it. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now I'm laughing so hard.

[nagant_m44]

before i got my drivers license i got to work on my bike
one day,3 years ago,i just started biking to my work lets say 10 minutes from my HQ
then suddenly i feel like i need to fart hard,so i stand up from my seat and fart then i sat down,there u go,i felt something WET
so,knowing i just **** my pants i continued to go to work because i have a boss straight out of hell
when i got on my work i sprinted towards the toilet and had to throw away my boxer

image this,bicycling to your job for 30 more minutes,with **** in your pants,i kept standing on the pedals



BEST THREAD EVER!!!!I f*** ing love it. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now I'm laughing so hard.

OK Which one of us had the worst **** experience?

[toki]

just a thought... not so far off-topic.
Anyone considered taking part here?:

http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

:lol:

[Clete Torres]

before i got my drivers license i got to work on my bike
one day,3 years ago,i just started biking to my work lets say 10 minutes from my HQ
then suddenly i feel like i need to fart hard,so i stand up from my seat and fart then i sat down,there u go,i felt something WET
so,knowing i just **** my pants i continued to go to work because i have a boss straight out of hell
when i got on my work i sprinted towards the toilet and had to throw away my boxer

image this,bicycling to your job for 30 more minutes,with **** in your pants,i kept standing on the pedals



BEST THREAD EVER!!!!I f*** ing love it. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now I'm laughing so hard.

OK Which one of us had the worst **** experience?I vote for delaying the judging so we can hear more entries. These stories are so God dam funny.

[Clete Torres]

just a thought... not so far off-topic.
Anyone considered taking part here?:

http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

:lol:That was gratuitous and uncalled for. I vote imposing a lifetime ban on your ass from the have you ever **** your pants in a public place confessional thread. What the **** is wrong with German people anyway?

[Gauntlet]

just a thought... not so far off-topic.
Anyone considered taking part here?:

http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

:lol:

I know a guy who's saddened by these rate sites.

he got a 4.1 on the hotornot.com but a 9.0 on ratemypoo.com

[toki]

just a thought... not so far off-topic.
Anyone considered taking part here?:

http://www.ratemypoo.com/ratemy/poo

:lol:

I know a guy who's saddened by these rate sites.

he got a 4.1 on the hotornot.com but a 9.0 on ratemypoo.com

Yeah... a "friend" has sent a pic there... no noooo not me. A FRIEND.
p-)


...What the f*** is wrong with German people anyway?
x2... they are everywhere

[Stavka]

Only on purpose. Never accidentally.

[James]

Once whilst in the USMC, out in the desert, I felt a rumble in my gut, then a sharp pain, as though someone had poked me low in the belly with an ice pick. I thought I was flatulent, but it was something more... Long story short, I cut my shorts off with my bayonet.

[nagant_m44]

B!U!M!P!!!!!!!!!!

[Clete Torres]

That's a pisser. I was too embarrassed to do it myself. God bless you. You're doing the Lords work.

[EasyC]

you should be embarrased, your an idiot.

[Clete Torres]

you should be embarrased, your an idiot.Stop with the backlash and tell everyone your **** in your pants story. I'm betting your story involves a half eaten Chocodile and a bus load of special ed. kids somewhere along the line.

[nagant_m44]

you should be embarrased, your an idiot.

We know how you feel Easy C., we are here for you. Tell us what happened, you will feel better if you tell us.

[Clete Torres]

This thread just needs time to find it's audience. Go in your healing cave, locate your power animal, open your heart shakra, and tell everyone your **** in your pants story. Nobody is judging you.

[Rebel 7]

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3476/****20happens2nk.jpg

[nagant_m44]

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3476/****20happens2nk.jpg

wow this brings back memories...

[Clete Torres]

You've totally ruined the magic of the have you ever accidentally **** your pants in a public place thread. I wash my hands of this.

[nagant_m44]

You've totally ruined the magic of the have you ever accidentally **** your pants in a public place thread. I wash my hands of this.

who me?

[Clete Torres]

You've totally ruined the magic of the have you ever accidentally **** your pants in a public place thread. I wash my hands of this.

who me?**** no. You and me are part of The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants You Just Made A Mess In. I love you like a son.

[nagant_m44]

You've totally ruined the magic of the have you ever accidentally **** your pants in a public place thread. I wash my hands of this.

who me?f*** no. You and me are part of The Brotherhood of the Traveling Pants You Just Made A Mess In. I love you a son. woot

[Falco]

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3476/****20happens2nk.jpg

Ahh man, that's just nasty. Looks like the person was constipated for a few weeks when it finally came gushing out like if the hoover dam colapsed.

[main_unit]

bump this awesome thread

[Clete Torres]

Main Unit, you're the salt of the Earth.

[sucker4gurls]

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3476/****20happens2nk.jpg

Ahh man, that's just nasty. Looks like the person was constipated for a few weeks when it finally came gushing out like if the hoover dam colapsed.

****in sick...

there are you happy clete???

[Clete Torres]

That picture needs to go away and fast.

[WackyWoodChuck]

http://www.antarctica2000.net/mcmurdo/images6/dead.jpg

A penguin died because of the nature of this thread

[Clete Torres]

This thread is so worth a second look. Just start from the begining and bail out before you hit the pictures.

[Zarathustra]

That bump was really not needed. :|

Anyway, no I've never **** my pants in public.

[scm77]

Somehow I missed this thread before, so I just read all 6 pages for the first time.
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

[Clete Torres]

I told you it was a goodie. I vote for making this thing a sticky. No pun intended.

[usa320]

I told you it was a goodie. I vote for making this thing a sticky. No pun intended.

I agree. Make it ****ty....i mean stickey.

[Bombtrack]

Somehow I missed this thread before, so I just read all 6 pages for the first time.
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

x2

keep it coming

[Redux]

Me and my friends were taking the bus to Burnaby. One of my friends did not get a ride from his parents and had to run down the mountain to the bus station (approx. 20-30 minutes to get to the station). We arrived at the next stop and was going to take the skytrain, when suddenly that friend i was talking about told us to wait for him as he ran into a nearby Sears outlet store. 10 minutes later he came out in a pair of really short red shorts. On one hand he was holding a bag with his ****-smudged pants inside. We still didn't know what was going on until I looked down at his shoes and socks and saw streaks of brown. Then the smell hit us and we just cracked up lol. We went along to this arcade place, and he stored his pair of newly decorated pants in a locker provided by that same place. Needless to say, it stunk up the locker bad.

Afterwards he told us that when he was inside Sears, he ****ted his pants already and theres a huge patch of brown on his pants. All the kids and their moms were staring at him as he randomly picked a pair of red shorts from the kids section and went straight into the changing room. Must have been even worse when paying the cashier.

[Clete Torres]

rofl rofl rofl Holding a bag! rofl rofl rofl These stories are all the same but they're all so different too. I love it.

[Redux]

oh and a side note, he was 16 at the time so yea lol

and he didnt have time to pick out a new pair of boxers/briefs so...yea must have been a bit breezy that day.

[stuntman]

Me and my friends were taking the bus to Burnaby. One of my friends did not get a ride from his parents and had to run down the mountain to the bus station (approx. 20-30 minutes to get to the station). We arrived at the next stop and was going to take the skytrain, when suddenly that friend i was talking about told us to wait for him as he ran into a nearby Sears outlet store. 10 minutes later he came out in a pair of really short red shorts. On one hand he was holding a bag with his ****-smudged pants inside. We still didn't know what was going on until I looked down at his shoes and socks and saw streaks of brown. Then the smell hit us and we just cracked up lol. We went along to this arcade place, and he stored his pair of newly decorated pants in a locker provided by that same place. Needless to say, it stunk up the locker bad.

Afterwards he told us that when he was inside Sears, he ****ted his pants already and theres a huge patch of brown on his pants. All the kids and their moms were staring at him as he randomly picked a pair of red shorts from the kids section and went straight into the changing room. Must have been even worse when paying the cashier.

That is ****ing funny as hell!
rofl rofl rofl rofl
Please more.

[Evil_Avatar]

4.5/5 stars

[sir-chimp]

i have never **** my self - but when I was younger and working with a bunch of women at this job they were talking about having their kids. And the fact they almost always ended up ****ting on the table from pushing the kid out. I was so taken back by this, being my young childless self. After learning that, I decided it was no kids for me. Brought a hole new meaning to the title ****-head to me.

[scrybe]

Alright, I am about to post a story which is quite possibly the best story the internet has ever produced for me. It's pretty long, but DEFINITELY worth the read.

[scrybe]

A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for
dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on
the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday
night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering
from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the
events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances,
but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot
bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible
in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to
the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that
evening, I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian
ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated.

Perhaps bit too much, however. I had not really been feeling well all day,
what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed
plates of food I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my
diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the
downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas, which
could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much
concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was
clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease
can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food, which
spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...

I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, saw
two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the
sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a
handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped
stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good ****, but in this
case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife
telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters
is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a ****. I went to the
normal stall.

In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall
even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making
the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the
time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was
reaching Biblical proportions. I began "The Move." For those women who may
be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move."

Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when
the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur
that cannot be stopped under any circumstances. Here is a move men make that
involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to
position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones
waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same
time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in
the flawless expulsion of **** at the exact same second that ones ass is
properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the
choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event
that he piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of
coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

I was about halfway into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw
a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little
bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not
notice it when I had first walked into the stall.

Normally, would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so
much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced
gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure
upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef
started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the
exact sequence of events is a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them
as best I can.

In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted
from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation,
I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with
a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting
takes precedence over **** no matter what is about to come slamming out of
your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since ****ting will not
kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do
not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death.
My attention was thus diverted.

At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as
a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000
Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fiji" or something similar. In what seemed to be
most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of **** the
consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying
out of my ass. But remember, I was only halfway down on the toilet at that
moment. The **** wave was of such force and of just such an angle in
relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the
back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to
the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down.

Recall that when that event occurred, I was already halfway to sitting
anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always
considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get
beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be.
Needless to say, the **** wave, though of considerable force, was not so
sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself
on the walls, unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a
high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the
puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a
significant amount of **** remaining on about one-third of the seat
rim,which I had now just collapsed upon. Now, back to the vomit...

While all the ****ting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By
the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with
a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what
does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I
bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending
over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs,
positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants,
which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my
ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants
with elastic on the ankles? In one mighty push, some three pounds of
macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls
were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the
bottom down by my feet.

In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of
turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full
of vomit, my back covered in **** that had bounced off the toilet, spattered
on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had
enough force to come back at me, covering he back of my shirt with droplets
of liquid ****. All while thick **** was spread all over my ass in a ring
curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.

And there was no ****ing toilet paper.

What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the
guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since
I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I
calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him
to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he
brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what
happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to
explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet
towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where
we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming
that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was
wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her
(still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight
accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close
calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or
something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt
immediately.

Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across
the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt,
and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles
thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was
still laughing. She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened
when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to
handle damage control for the time being. She left.

The manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry
ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me
that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving
him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that
night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what
with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage or just
slightly above. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity
of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that
I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose.

Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile
floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up
easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to
the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet
towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and
passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing
into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I
finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still
stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out
of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there
naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made
a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the
entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the
room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to
go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out,
three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing
ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up
again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to
pick me up by the front door.

The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's
Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any
restaurant in which I have eaten.

[GeraldDuval]

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

scrybe, did that actually happen to you?

[stuntman]

A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for
dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on
the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday
night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering
from table to table entertaining the little bastards. It may seem that the
events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances,
but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot
bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible
in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to
the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that
evening, I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian
ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated.

Perhaps bit too much, however. I had not really been feeling well all day,
what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed
plates of food I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my
diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the
downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas, which
could have been passed in batches right at the table without too much
concern. Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was
clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease
can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food, which
spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...

I got up from the table and made my way to the bathroom. Upon entering, saw
two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the
sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a
handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped
stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good ****, but in this
case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife
telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters
is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a ****. I went to the
normal stall.

In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall
even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making
the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the
time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was
reaching Biblical proportions. I began "The Move." For those women who may
be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move."

Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when
the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur
that cannot be stopped under any circumstances. Here is a move men make that
involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to
position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones
waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same
time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in
the flawless expulsion of **** at the exact same second that ones ass is
properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the
choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event
that he piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of
coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.

I was about halfway into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw
a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little
bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not
notice it when I had first walked into the stall.

Normally, would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so
much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced
gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure
upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef
started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the
exact sequence of events is a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them
as best I can.

In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted
from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation,
I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with
a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting
takes precedence over **** no matter what is about to come slamming out of
your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since ****ting will not
kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do
not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death.
My attention was thus diverted.

At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as
a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000
Killed In Wake of Typhoon Fiji" or something similar. In what seemed to be
most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of **** the
consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying
out of my ass. But remember, I was only halfway down on the toilet at that
moment. The **** wave was of such force and of just such an angle in
relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the
back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to
the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down.

Recall that when that event occurred, I was already halfway to sitting
anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always
considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get
beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be.
Needless to say, the **** wave, though of considerable force, was not so
sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself
on the walls, unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a
high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the
puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a
significant amount of **** remaining on about one-third of the seat
rim,which I had now just collapsed upon. Now, back to the vomit...

While all the ****ting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By
the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with
a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what
does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I
bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though. Therefore, bending
over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs,
positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants,
which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my
ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants
with elastic on the ankles? In one mighty push, some three pounds of
macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls
were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the
bottom down by my feet.

In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of
turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full
of vomit, my back covered in **** that had bounced off the toilet, spattered
on three ceramic-tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had
enough force to come back at me, covering he back of my shirt with droplets
of liquid ****. All while thick **** was spread all over my ass in a ring
curiously in the shape of a toilet seat.

And there was no f*** toilet paper.

What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the
guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since
I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I
calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him
to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he
brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what
happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to
explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet
towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where
we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming
that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.

About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was
wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her
(still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight
accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close
calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or
something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt
immediately.

Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across
the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt,
and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles
thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was
still laughing. She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened
when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to
handle damage control for the time being. She left.

The manager then came back in with a half-dozen wet towels and a few dry
ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me
that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving
him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that
night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what
with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage or just
slightly above. At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity
of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that
I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose.

Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile
floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up
easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to
the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet
towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and
passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing
into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I
finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still
stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out
of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there
naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made
a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.

When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the
entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the
room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to
go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out,
three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing
ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up
again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to
pick me up by the front door.

The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's
Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any
restaurant in which I have eaten.

Talk about when Push Comes To Sludge You freaking win! That was the best story, you had my brother thinking I was going crazy with all the laughter coming out of me.. Oh man thank you I needed that... rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

[scrybe]

No, unfortunately (well maybe fortunately) I can not claim ownership of this story. It did not happen to me. I ran across that story on the net a couple years ago. It was an instant classic.

[Hitman5.56]

OMG!!!
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl
Hilarious!

[Hitman5.56]

also i have never **** my pants in public unless I was an infant

[Scottie]

its shat...not ****..

[drGreen]

nice topic rofl

[Lazy Lob]

Got a mate who’s a GP. All of a sudden there’s a commotion in reception and he gets called to help out because some dodgery old git has fallen down outside the practice. As he gets outside he sees all the nurses running back into the surgery. Its seems that the old fart was riding his bicycle near the practice when he felt a real sizzla coming down his sigmoid.

He had chucked his bike onto the pavement and tried to run into the surgery to use the toilet but slipped on the flagstone path. The receptionist saw this and went out to help with some nurses. As they picked him up thinking he was just a patient coming for his appointment one of his cycle clips came off his ankles.

The nurses on noticing some strange slurry seeping out of his trousers leg slowly twigged it wasn’t Bistow and that this guy was not a patient. So they did a runner a let my mate take care of him. My mate gagged all the way to the toilet, with this guy leaving a trail of marmite on the carpet and all the flies getting their knives and forks out.

An hour later the old fart came out their toilet when a relative came to pick him up. Apparently the toilet looked rather “frothy”.

[quick]

scrybe you have my vote! that is by far the funniest phucking **** story i have ever heard. :D

thanks for that well written thesis into your amazing experience. i will post it on my own board so that others may experience, albeit vicariously, what you experienced.

by the way, i like the way you handled that situation. if that ever happened to me, i'd probably curl up into the foetal position and wait for the fire department to rescue my sorry ass...

cheers.

[Doc12]

rofl rofl rofl rofl
scrybe, that was some seriously funny ****! I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair.

[scrybe]

Just to clarify again guys, that did NOT happen to me. I'm glad you enjoy the story as much as I did though.

[Doc12]

Yeah right, it´s always "some other guy´s" **** story. ;)

[Spike_Kojima]

I knew a guy in school who **** his pants in class , he went to walk out and there was a long peice of crap sticking out a hole in his pants. And from then on his nick-name was "Cockass".

[Clete Torres]

Scrybe, incredible post. LazyLob, your post was a little like watching Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels for the first time. I didn't understand half of the slang you were using, but by the end I had the gist. Also a very funny post. Lets keep these accidentally **** in your pants stories coming fellas.

[Lazy Lob]

Scrybe, incredible post. LazyLob, your post was a little like watching Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels for the first time. I didn't understand half of the slang you were using, but by the end I had the gist. Also a very funny post. Lets keep these accidentally **** in your pants stories coming fellas.

Clete, I feel honoured and yes, a very good post Scrybe. I pissed myself.

[usa320]

i dont know if i should laugh, cry or vomit.

[panzerjager]

I truly believe "clete torres" is jack mehoff or a raelian clone of jack.

[Clete Torres]

Listen **** mook, you don't have any idea what you're talking about.

[CH4RL13]

Scrybe, incredible post. LazyLob, your post was a little like watching Lock, Stock, and 2 Smoking Barrels for the first time. I didn't understand half of the slang you were using, but by the end I had the gist. Also a very funny post. Lets keep these accidentally **** in your pants stories coming fellas.

Alright its going to be hard to beat those stories, but here is one that was told on another forum:

"Well, the last few days here have been hell on my bowels. I had the runs for a couple of days and I thought I was in the clear. I was relieved to be having dry farts and I though everything was going to be OK.

Anyways, I'm sleeping on my cot, when I'm suddenly awakened by some serious cramps and the urge to....well, let one loose. Now this is usually fun in a tent with 7 other guys (it's a guy thing), and I was silently laughing in anticipation of the stench that would soon fill the tent. I was expecting the normal gasps of outrage, and it was during these thoughts I tried to squeeze it out.

Well, there I am, laying on my stomach with my butt somewhat elevated under the covers. I'm pushing, but my butt feels kind of glued together, so I push harder. Suddenly, what erupted was not the loud blast I had been expecting. No, what I heard was a much quieter grurgling wet sounding Blaaaattt.

I lay there in silent mortification. I was pushing pretty hard, so the liquidy geyser that gushed forth was not small. I could feel it on my legs, back, and running under me.

At about this time I hear somebody say "what the hell was that"? I'm trying to lay thier quietly and figure out what to do next, when the smell hit me. Within a few seconds everybody else was gasping and leaving the tent.

I slowly got up and cleaned myself off the best I could with the clean parts of my sheets. I bundled them up and put them all in a plastic bag to take to the dumpster. About this time I hear the cans of deodorant spraying throughout the tent, so now there is a smell of crap and Old Spice, and about 3 other kinds of deodorant. Everbody is also pissed off at being awakened by the smell. One individual put on his gas mask. He was walking around sounding like Darth Vader when I hear him say "I think my mask is Fu&*#! because I can still smell it".

Everybody still thinks it was just a normal fart and I intend to keep it that way. I still have to figure out where to get some more sheets, but for now I'm going to break out my sleeping bag and reflect for a while on what happened."

31C

[Clete Torres]

The squares that don't bother to read this thread have no idea what they're missing. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now.

[melbeach]

Long time lurker, first time posting.

fall of '95. The first day of my senior yr at coastal carolina university. My girl picked me up that morn, she went to the community college accross the street from my school. I would walk over to my school in the morn, and catch a ride home after class, so I loaded my backpack up with books and supplies. We arrived at her school around 8AM, I walked accross the highway to my schools property. There was a trail through about 2 acers of woods into a small clearing next to the back parking lot of my school. Just around the area of the clearing, I get that rumbling feeling. Can I make it to the student center about 300 yrds away? I start to rush, then realize it won't work... hell, I am in the woods anyway, I'll go here. However, the situation is changing rapidly.. all of a sudden I realize the 2 minute warning went off about 1 min 45 seconds ago. I gotta go NOW! OK, but this darn back pack.. won't... come off.. struggling with it.. hurry.. screw the pack, I'll **** with it on... now going for my jeans.. uh oh! It happend! I was just a bit to late. sharted all over myself! Well, at least I am alone in the woods. So, I get my jeans off, shed my boxers into the bushes. I am standing there, backpack on, holding up and cleaning my jeans out in the woods when I hear the shriek of two girls who were in the parking lot and saw me in the clearing. I guess I didn't hide well enough. They freaked and stared yelling "oh my god!".. look at that pervert freak!". I took off into the woods, backpack on, butt naked from the waist down, carring my soiled jeans.. I start screaming as well. I finally get well consealed.. I clean the jeans the best I could with leaves, notebook paper and whatever else I could use. I take an alternate route into campus. I head for the bookstore to buy some boxers and shorts... mind you, this was the first day of school. The bookstore was packed... I smell like **** and I run into all sorts of people I have not seen since last semester. This one girl was a good friend of mine and came up to me wanting a hug. I did a quick hug, she was asking me what was going on, blah blah.. I am going insane mentally at this point just wanting to get out. I try my best not to be rude, act like I am late for class and get out of there. I run to the otherside of campus, hit the gym shower and get cleaned up. I missed my class that day and my ride home. I finally caught back up with my girlfriend in the afternoon. I then had to explain what happend to my clothes and why I all of a sudden was wearing bright green Coastal shorts. Of course, I had to lie. it was a mess... looking back though, halarious.

[scrybe]

haha, excellent. The fact that you screamed as you ran too makes it awesome.

[Gauntlet]

Man... I thought I had bad days :lol:

[nagant_m44]

Bump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scrybe]

haha, this was a good thread

[Apathy]

I did once. And it was a bad one to. Opening weekend of Star Wars The Phantom Menace. After a Friday night of heavy drinking and eating deviled egg horderves at a party, I met my brother for the 10:30 AM showing the following morning. We got there early for center row seats so keep in mind that I had at least 15 people I had to pass with my **** smeared ass in their face before I could make my escape. So anyway, right around the time the pod racer scene comes on I start getting these horrible stomach pains which I misdiagnosed as just gas. This one pain started so I just pushed, hoping to expel a giant fart. The next thing I know my pants exploded. Liquid poop came out of me with such force it was all over my balls and my upper thighs. When I leaned over to my brother to explain what just happened the smell had already hit and he told me to get the **** away from him. I had to poop scoot past at least 15 people before I hit the lobby running all the way to my car and then home for a very long shower and a whole lot more diarrhea. After the show my brother called and he said I cleared out the row. **** ing people just left after only seeing half of the movie they waited 15 years to see. **** ing gross.

Holy sh*t, I can't stop laughing!



rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

[EvanL]

Holy sh*t, I can't stop laughing!



rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl
clete you are the most amazing persona on the internet. please make a newsletter and i will promise to subscribe to it, but not necessarily read it all the time.

[scrybe]

clete you are the most amazing persona on the internet. please make a newsletter and i will promise to subscribe to it, but not necessarily read it all the time.

I subscribe to a newsletter than I haven't read for over 3 years. Every night when it gets sent, I just delete it. It's just nice to have regular mail.

[nagant_m44]

clete you are the most amazing persona on the internet. please make a newsletter and i will promise to subscribe to it, but not necessarily read it all the time.


oh please my experience was worse than his

[nagant_m44]

Ok, when i was in 10th grade, i was staying at school to do a science fair project. I had had a stomach ache all day, and i thought it was just gas, just as Mr. Torres pointed out. So i pushed and it came out. Since i had just left weight training class, i was still a bit sweaty, so i thought that the "wetness" on my boxers was sweat. I didnt realize it was **** until i saw a wierd brown liquid dripping down me left pantleg. Then, my stomach felt as if it was going to explode, so i ran to the bathroom, and just a few seconds before i got on the toilet, well, basically it was like someone had opened the diarhea faucet on my ass. It shot everywhere, and it got all over my shoes. Thank god i had my gymn clothes with me, or i would have been stuck there overnight, since i was not going to streak home.

quoted for truth

[EvanL]

quoted for truth
your experience is worse. but in a sort of, wow i feel sorry for you way.

[Clete Torres]

Hell's hot tub thread has inspired me to bump this thing and I'd also like to submit this thread for permanent archive in the Invite Only section. And for any new guys reading this thing be sure and look on page 5. Even James accidentally **** his pants when he was out in the desert one time. LOL.

[W3s II]

I've sharted a few times in my life.

[usa320]

ive never had this problem. If you live your life by the philosophy of "never trust a fart" niether will you.

[Redguy]

So it wouldn't be a good party trick?

[Belial]

Got a mate who’s a GP. All of a sudden there’s a commotion in reception and he gets called to help out because some dodgery old git has fallen down outside the practice. As he gets outside he sees all the nurses running back into the surgery. Its seems that the old fart was riding his bicycle near the practice when he felt a real sizzla coming down his sigmoid.

He had chucked his bike onto the pavement and tried to run into the surgery to use the toilet but slipped on the flagstone path. The receptionist saw this and went out to help with some nurses. As they picked him up thinking he was just a patient coming for his appointment one of his cycle clips came off his ankles.

The nurses on noticing some strange slurry seeping out of his trousers leg slowly twigged it wasn’t Bistow and that this guy was not a patient. So they did a runner a let my mate take care of him. My mate gagged all the way to the toilet, with this guy leaving a trail of marmite on the carpet and all the flies getting their knives and forks out.

An hour later the old fart came out their toilet when a relative came to pick him up. Apparently the toilet looked rather “frothy”.

That's gold, I cried, really :)

[GoSka37]

I'm sure I shat myself as a child... and not accidentally. Mainly because i was a baby and just didn't know better.

[Delta11]

Like last year, I ate something that was not fully cooked I guess and I had diarrhea everyday for about a week every few half hours. Even when I was sleeping, the diarrhea would come like 5 times during my sleep. But I never **** on the bed, just on my pants when it came without my permission in bed, and the diarrheas all last about 30mins each with things coming every few seconds... Most horrible feeling of my life ever! And I used Pepto Bismo which is suppose to work but it did nothing but made me throw up!

[GoSka37]

Last week i had to fart... ohhhh was i wrong.

[California Joe]

I believe I missed this one the first go round. The weird thing is I actually know the guy that wrote the story Scrybe posted.....:)

[Clete Torres]

^That's weird. The guy is a hell of a writer.

[California Joe]

He used to write all kinds of stories like that, He's like the Stephen King of sh*t stories. I'll see if I can find anymore.

[Chops]

Going into the archive man- this thread is gold.

[Hellfish]

Alright its going to be hard to beat those stories, but here is one that was told on another forum:

"Well, the last few days here have been hell on my bowels. I had the runs for a couple of days and I thought I was in the clear. I was relieved to be having dry farts and I though everything was going to be OK.

Anyways, I'm sleeping on my cot, when I'm suddenly awakened by some serious cramps and the urge to....well, let one loose. Now this is usually fun in a tent with 7 other guys (it's a guy thing), and I was silently laughing in anticipation of the stench that would soon fill the tent. I was expecting the normal gasps of outrage, and it was during these thoughts I tried to squeeze it out.

Well, there I am, laying on my stomach with my butt somewhat elevated under the covers. I'm pushing, but my butt feels kind of glued together, so I push harder. Suddenly, what erupted was not the loud blast I had been expecting. No, what I heard was a much quieter grurgling wet sounding Blaaaattt.

I lay there in silent mortification. I was pushing pretty hard, so the liquidy geyser that gushed forth was not small. I could feel it on my legs, back, and running under me.

At about this time I hear somebody say "what the hell was that"? I'm trying to lay thier quietly and figure out what to do next, when the smell hit me. Within a few seconds everybody else was gasping and leaving the tent.

I slowly got up and cleaned myself off the best I could with the clean parts of my sheets. I bundled them up and put them all in a plastic bag to take to the dumpster. About this time I hear the cans of deodorant spraying throughout the tent, so now there is a smell of crap and Old Spice, and about 3 other kinds of deodorant. Everbody is also pissed off at being awakened by the smell. One individual put on his gas mask. He was walking around sounding like Darth Vader when I hear him say "I think my mask is Fu&*#! because I can still smell it".

Everybody still thinks it was just a normal fart and I intend to keep it that way. I still have to figure out where to get some more sheets, but for now I'm going to break out my sleeping bag and reflect for a while on what happened."

31C

Maybe its the booze, but thats the funniest **** I've read in a long time. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. ****ing smoker lungs.