PDA

View Full Version : Some things to consider.....



aktarian
01-13-2004, 10:52 AM
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?

Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers? *

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber ***?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? *

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right? *

Is the real reason women live longer then men because they don't have to live with women? *

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

* Farmgirl's insight would be apreciated regarding these questions ;)

Haiw
01-13-2004, 06:40 PM
rofl
Not all are true though... and some would be fairly easy to answer. :P

Vance
01-13-2004, 06:50 PM
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
rofl So true.

Herrmannek
01-13-2004, 06:54 PM
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
rofl So true.

Because it works...maybe not literaly...but you know "need is mother of all inventions"...

redhawk_six
01-13-2004, 06:58 PM
:lol: I literally laughed out loud while reading that. Very good. rofl

Here's a good one:

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people in the world?

memphiz
01-13-2004, 11:29 PM
:D thats awsome

farmgirl
01-14-2004, 12:00 AM
If a man makes a declaration of fact in the woods, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?



I think we all know the answer to that one. :) p-)

NcDeuce
01-14-2004, 12:03 AM
How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

http://www.cinema-scoping.com/web_graphics/meet1.jpg

http://www.yourmvp.net/parents2.jpg

;) That's why.

farmgirl
01-14-2004, 12:13 AM
* Farmgirl's insight would be apreciated regarding these questions



As requested......


Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers? *



You must understand that women have an inherent need to ask such questions of their men. You must learn to answer said questions without actually giving an answer.

For example.....
Do these jeans make me look fat?

WRONG ANSWER: Those jeans don't make you look fat.... your fat butt makes you look fat......

RIGHT ANSWER: Nothing you have makes you look fat honey. You are beautiful.


Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? *



Once again.... it's best to just learn to leave well enough alone. Rest assured.... if you mess up, we'll remember. If you don't mess up.... we might forget to mention that, but it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

I think the best defense here is a good offense.... don't screw up.... and then we won't have any ammunition! ;)


Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right? *




This would fall into the category of.... "those who forget history are doomed to repeat it"

if you messed up badly enough in the past to incur the wrath of your woman.... make note of it, and strive to NEVER EVER repeat that mistake again. You're right.... we won't forget, but if you make the same mistake again.... we'll hammer you for it twice as hard the second time as we did the first..... ;)


Is the real reason women live longer then men because they don't have to live with women? *



In all likelihood.... that is indeed the case. I would imagine a lifetime of being wrong might become a bit taxing. Men with little fortitude might simply choose to give up rather than be told for the umpteenth time that they've messed up again. ;)



DISCLAIMER......

I'm kidding of course.... women aren't always right.... ;)

have a good one.... and just some thoughts....... p-)

papasmerf
01-14-2004, 12:54 AM
Farmgirl may I just ask what brings a woman into a military forum full of wild men? p-)

farmgirl
01-14-2004, 09:02 AM
Farmgirl may I just ask what brings a woman into a military forum full of wild men? p-)


Well..... I just like bad boys I guess.









No, really... I met this guy....(isn't that the way things always start?) He's in Iraq right now, and I started reading more to try to know what was going on... that brought me here. Aside from that I've always had an unhealthy interest in guns and the like. I guess that comes from growing up with three brothers.
Long story short.... I came.... I saw.... I enjoy being here..... :D

ShotOver
01-14-2004, 12:21 PM
And she is stayin here, even if she dosnt like me... hahaha

farmgirl
01-14-2004, 12:25 PM
And she is stayin here, even if she dosnt like me... hahaha

awww PT.... why would you say that??? :petting: I even gave you a Christmas hug...... :)

NcDeuce
01-14-2004, 02:23 PM
http://www.yourmvp.net/parents2.jpg

Are you a part of that, Focker?

IronHeart_26
01-14-2004, 02:44 PM
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?


Finally! The dilemma of missing socks has been solved.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_6_103.gif http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/12/12_1_134.gif

ßå$tĮТHÏ¿ð
01-14-2004, 05:26 PM
If a man makes a declaration of fact in the woods, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?



I think we all know the answer to that one. :) p-)

Yea hes still wrong no matter what he says or how true it is...i know how this game works :roll:

aktarian
01-20-2004, 03:52 PM
Some more things to consider...


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a "Broker"?

Why isn't there mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Roger Rabbit
01-20-2004, 03:54 PM
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Well terminal means to end and the flight ends at the airport and so its called the terminal. Did i just piss on your fire?

aktarian
01-20-2004, 04:10 PM
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
Well terminal means to end and the flight ends at the airport and so its called the terminal. Did i just piss on your fire?

Nah, it's OK. But please, next time don't drink gasoline before you do, OK?

Roger Rabbit
01-20-2004, 04:45 PM
lol good one, i'll have to remember that. :lol:

Vance
01-20-2004, 04:51 PM
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

It's hard for me to close my mouth when I'm putting my contacts in or taking them out. It's weird...

Falco
01-20-2004, 04:52 PM
Lol this is great stuff. woot

Take a look at this :

Maintenance Complaints
Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the
maintenance crews.

Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what it’s there for."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious