The most funny things your DS said

[MKtexan]

So what was the funnyest thing you heard your DS or Drill intructor say in Basic? haha i remember one Drill Seargent, "Drill Seagent, my water is not cold" "Private, i dont have to provide you with cold water, just wet water!!" or "Private! are you trying to set me up?? ill drop a MOAB on you, fire some heat seekers over there!!" ROFL!!! rofl

it was much more funny at the time, and if you were there. but go ahead, share your funny stories...

one day we were having some privates hold those green targets used on the range, and pop up when the DS said, for dry fire practice. one guy fell asleep. "number 5!" number 5 doesnt move.... "5!!!" still doesnt move. we all start laughing. the drill seargent walks over there, lays down next to the guy, peeks under at him ,and then slaps the top of the target, they guys flys up and the DS yells "Jackass!!!" made him run laps while we continued with drill rofl

[1Cie GevGn]

We were changing into sports clothes. I had my belt open, trouser buttons open, and I was taking off my jacket. DI walks in, I stand to attention and notify the room (ten hut!)

And my trousers fall down.

"You seem very happy to see me private"





"always chief"

He didn't chew me out, bless him :oops: :lol:

[Stavka]

We had a real boring Lieutenant during basic. We were Mech Inf, we loved hardship, shooting stuff, making things go boom, and all that, but for some reason, this Lieutenants oh so boring demeanor took the fun out of everything... Especially when he tried to be gung-ho and didn't do anything right. He was so serious about everything that we all put 5 euros in the pot and whoever could make him laugh would win the pot. We eventually got him replaced, but that's another story.

Anyway, were out on a live-fire exercise, section lanes in unfriendly terrain. Chow time, everyones relaxing after a nice meal. Then I feel the urge. Defecation is at hand.

Realising that taking a dump in the very area that were soon gonna run and throw ourselves in might be a bad idea. So I approach the Lieutenant and the following conversation ensues. Keep in mind that the formal tone of the conversation was indeed used, and is not an error in translation. Also, I am a master at saying stupid things with a straight face, not once flinching or indicating jest.


Lt = Lieutenant
Ps = Private Stavka


Ps : "Sir, Private Stavka requesting permission to speak!"
Lt : "Speak."
Ps : "Sir Private Stavka requests that the Lieutenant would be so kind as to direct the Private towards an appropriate bit of terrain where the Private may perform morale-heightening acts of pooping!"

Right about here the entire platoon is listening and some are having a hard time trying not to giggle. The Lieutenant has got that look that signifies WTF and is trying very hard to keep a straight face.

Lt : "Private Stavka, do you realize you are standing in the middle of a huge forest? Pooping may ensue wherever the private deems it appropriate."
Ps : "Yes Sir, but since the platoon soon will commence combat training in said forest, the private respectfully requests that the private be directed to an area where the platoon will NOT be rolling around in the muck and possibly this privates fecal matter. Feces makes soldiers cry, sir."

This made the Lieutenant burst out into laughter, and the entire platoon is all WTF?

I won the pot.

[Abolith]

in Navy basic we had a guy try to catch a few winks by sliding under his rack and basicly trying to be invisable from our chief. well....out the Chief walks in and sees this guy, he just shakes his head in a sad sorta way and strolls on over to the rack. He then proceded to quitely push the rack back and get REAL close to this poor recruit. then in his loudest voice yells "WAKE UP DAMNIT".

I gotta say that I have NEVER seen someone go from sleeping on his belly to hitting the ceiling that fast. he had to be doing at least 30 :lol:. well he comes down real hard and instantly tries to stand...only he couldn't seem to get the hang on it, so he just falls back down. this of course was followed by him shooting right back up and failing to get his feet under him and down he goes again. well this happened about 4 or 5 times with this poor recruit falling all over the place while just trying to stand.... he finally got his feet under him and stands rock ass still at attention while we are all trying our best not to laugh. What does our chief do? he tries not to crack a big ass smile and just turns around and walks into his office where you can hear him laughing his ass off for about 5 minutes. He come out about an hour later and the recruite is STILL standing at attention not even daring to breath (or so it seemed) and our chief asks why in the hell he is still at attention. So he replied "Chief, I'm scared to death of you Chief!" he just turns back around and goes back to laughing in his office...

[Esko]

New recruits were arriving and I was standing with my Lt near the gate. This huge lardass walks towards us and lt stops him. This dude was truly so big, that only use for him would have been buoy on the harbour.

Lt. "What in the name of our dear God are you?"
Recruit "Huge, sir"
Lt "Yes, I know that"
Recruit "No sir, my name is Huge"

Lt shoots to nearby office and laughter can be heard outside. On the other hand I had to stay outside and keep the smile out of my face.

[James]

In infantry school one of our instructors mis spoke. A young marine mouthed off from the ranks, and a number of us snickered. Our instructor meant to say "Yeah, f*cking funny, I bet you wouldn't be laughing if my **** was in your mouth." Instead he said "I bet you wouldn't be laughing if your **** was in my mouth."

THEN there was a lot of laughter.

[Pook2]

I'm not in the military but I'm at VMI and I've had a lot of similar stories. We have this one girl in our company who has a really high voice and so she can't sound off very well. Our Corporals told her from now on when she sounds off she has to say she's in Care Bear Company. So one day we were in formation and all our corporals are yelling at her and for some reason she cut her eyes and looked around for a second, this gets them in her face yelling at the top of their lungs. Then one of our corporals says, "WHAT THE HELL KINDA CARE BEAR ARE YOU? LACK OF MILITARY BEARING BEAR?

Theres been so many other funny things, like chinese fire drills around the desks during room inspections, etc.

[MKtexan]

We had a real boring Lieutenant during basic. We were Mech Inf, we loved hardship, shooting stuff, making things go boom, and all that, but for some reason, this Lieutenants oh so boring demeanor took the fun out of everything... Especially when he tried to be gung-ho and didn't do anything right. He was so serious about everything that we all put 5 euros in the pot and whoever could make him laugh would win the pot. We eventually got him replaced, but that's another story.

Anyway, were out on a live-fire exercise, section lanes in unfriendly terrain. Chow time, everyones relaxing after a nice meal. Then I feel the urge. Defecation is at hand.

Realising that taking a dump in the very area that were soon gonna run and throw ourselves in might be a bad idea. So I approach the Lieutenant and the following conversation ensues. Keep in mind that the formal tone of the conversation was indeed used, and is not an error in translation. Also, I am a master at saying stupid things with a straight face, not once flinching or indicating jest.


Lt = Lieutenant
Ps = Private Stavka


Ps : "Sir, Private Stavka requesting permission to speak!"
Lt : "Speak."
Ps : "Sir Private Stavka requests that the Lieutenant would be so kind as to direct the Private towards an appropriate bit of terrain where the Private may perform morale-heightening acts of pooping!"

Right about here the entire platoon is listening and some are having a hard time trying not to giggle. The Lieutenant has got that look that signifies WTF and is trying very hard to keep a straight face.

Lt : "Private Stavka, do you realize you are standing in the middle of a huge forest? Pooping may ensue wherever the private deems it appropriate."
Ps : "Yes Sir, but since the platoon soon will commence combat training in said forest, the private respectfully requests that the private be directed to an area where the platoon will NOT be rolling around in the muck and possibly this privates fecal matter. Feces makes soldiers cry, sir."

This made the Lieutenant burst out into laughter, and the entire platoon is all WTF?

I won the pot.

rofl rofl rofl nice one Stavka!!!