Last one!!

[Argyll]

Teacher to class:"Right class today is Thursday,so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday off and not come back until Tuesday,"

Jocky the class mink thinks brill ahm ace et ma general knowledge.Teacher:"Right class,who can tell me who said.
'Don't ask what your country can do for you,but what you can do for your country'? Jocky(shoots up his hand)Teacher looking round:Yes Jeremy.Jeremy(In English accent)"Yes miss the answer is JF Kennedy in-aggregation speech 1960."Teacher:"Very good Jeremy You may come back on Tuesday."

Next Thursday Comes around,and Wee Jocky is even more Determind.

Teacher: "Who said,"we will fight them on the beaches,we will fight them in the air,we will fight them at sea.But we will never surrender?" Wee Jocky (SHOOTS UP HIS HAND SHOUTING I KNOW)Teacher(looking round): "Yes Timothy,"Timothy (In posher English accent):"Yes miss,the answer is Winston Churchill 1941 Battle of Britain speech." Teacher"Very good Timothy,you may come back on Tuesday."

THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY COMES AROUND AND JOCKY IS VERY VEXED.

Teacher:"Who said 'One small step for man,one giant leap for mankind'? Wee Jocky(JUMPING UP AND DOWN WITH BOTH HANDS UP,YELLING I KNOW)Teacher (looking round the class) "Yes Rupert." Rupert(In frightfully plumpy English accent) "Yes miss that was Neil Armstrong,1967 the first moon landing." Teacher "Very good Rupert you may come back on Tuesday."

Jocky (Who has lost the plot blurts out):"Where the f**k did all these English c***s come from?" TEACHER(Looking round class): "Who the h*ll said that?"Wee Jocky (Standing back up)
"Bonnie Prince Charlie,Culloden 1746.SEE YE TUESDAY."

[California Joe]

Hahaha, see I got that even.

[memphiz]

:oops: complicated European jokes

[Seiyuuki]

Jocky the class mink thinks brill ahm ace et ma general knowledge.Teacher:"Right class,who can tell me who said.
'Don't ask what your country can do for you,but what you can do for your country'? Jocky(shoots up his hand)Teacher looking round:Yes Jeremy.Jeremy(In English accent)"Yes miss the answer is JF Kennedy in-aggregation speech 1960."Teacher:"Very good Jeremy You may come back on Tuesday."

It's a very good quote and it's a shame that the right man is not associated with it.


It is now the moment when by common consent we pause to become conscious of our national life and to rejoice in it, to recall what our country has done for each of us, and to ask ourselves what we can do for our country in return.

Oh yeah...complicated European's joke...or it's just me. :(

[Midav]

rofl

That was pretty good!!

[DE_Six]

rofl Good one!

I'll save it for my cousin's boyfriend (he's from Edinburgh)!

It reminds me of that one:



It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "**** the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're ****ed."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"

[Merik]

^^^^ ROFLMAO.

[UkrainianAmerican]

OLD! :|
O, and to completely ruin it heres what it means:
They guy asked where are all the ****s from etc... The teacher asked who said that, thus she asked a question. They guy stood up implyin gtwas him), thus he comes back on tuesday because he got it right.....

[UkrainianAmerican]

rofl Good one!

I'll save it for my cousin's boyfriend (he's from Edinburgh)!

It reminds me of that one:



It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student named Suzuki, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.

"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." he heard a loud whisper: "f*** the Japs."

"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're f***."

Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001"
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

[Scrim]

(Much better when told with thick Scottish accent)

So this little American girl goes on holiday in Scotland. She runs into Argyll who happens to be wearing a kilt. The girl asks if its true about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. Argyll replies "Why dont ya stick yer wee hand up there and find ewt."
The girl, a little curious, and a little scared, sticks her hand up his kilt and withdraws it with a little giggle.
"Well, what d'ya think Lassie?" asks Argyll.
"Eeeww, its gruesome." replies the girl.
"Well stick yer hand up there again, its gruesome more!"

[UkrainianAmerican]

(Much better when told with thick Scottish accent)

So this little American girl goes on holiday in Scotland. She runs into Argyll who happens to be wearing a kilt. The girl asks if its true about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. Argyll replies "Why dont ya stick yer wee hand up there and find ewt."
The girl, a little curious, and a little scared, sticks her hand up his kilt and withdraws it with a little giggle.
"Well, what d'ya think Lassie?" asks Argyll.
"Eeeww, its gruesome." replies the girl.
"Well stick yer hand up there again, its gruesome more!"
rofl

[memphiz]

(Much better when told with thick Scottish accent)

So this little American girl goes on holiday in Scotland. She runs into Argyll who happens to be wearing a kilt. The girl asks if its true about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. Argyll replies "Why dont ya stick yer wee hand up there and find ewt."
The girl, a little curious, and a little scared, sticks her hand up his kilt and withdraws it with a little giggle.
"Well, what d'ya think Lassie?" asks Argyll.
"Eeeww, its gruesome." replies the girl.
"Well stick yer hand up there again, its gruesome more!"
rofl
WORD

[farmgirl]

(Much better when told with thick Scottish accent)

So this little American girl goes on holiday in Scotland. She runs into Argyll who happens to be wearing a kilt. The girl asks if its true about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts. Argyll replies "Why dont ya stick yer wee hand up there and find ewt."
The girl, a little curious, and a little scared, sticks her hand up his kilt and withdraws it with a little giggle.
"Well, what d'ya think Lassie?" asks Argyll.
"Eeeww, its gruesome." replies the girl.
"Well stick yer hand up there again, its gruesome more!"



yeah.... and...... p-)