EvanL
02-24-2004, 11:01 PM
This article is about peoiple putting clothes on their dogs. I was asked to submit this one to the New York Press. But i was too lazy.
“I’m not taking him out dressed like that!” I yelled as I began pulling the boots
and sweaters off of my dog. “But he will hurt his feet on the salt without them” my
mother exclaimed. “Better to hurt than look like a jerk”, was my witty response moments
before the back of my head felt the sting of my mothers wedding band collide with it.
“He’s wearing them or your wearing them. You decide” she yelled.
You see them everywhere these days. Waddling down the streets of New York like
ducks. No I’m not talking about the inebriated hobo on the corner, I’m talking about
dogs. Thousands of them, all bundled up in the latest fashions from Canine Ranch or
Petco. Clothes that would most certainly send the Fab Five to an early grave. The boots,
or “booties” as some like to call them, come in all colours. They are usually fitted with
Velcro to make it easier for the owners of even the most unruly dogs to put them on with
little more than a few nips and kicks from your furry friend. From puke green to jet black,
they are sure to embarrass both dog and handler alike. The sweaters, or straight jackets as
“I” like to refer to them, also come in many colours and sizes. You can get T-shirt style
ones which are next to impossible to fit over your dogs head, or you can get poncho style
ones. Either way your pet is sure to be laughed at. The makers of the sweaters aren’t very
generous with sizes either. Supposedly coming in everything from extra extra small, to
extra extra extra large, they shrink immensely during their first wash.
The reason for the sudden spur in dog fashion is not only due to the cold. Worrisome
landlords and store owners buy a form of salt, which is in fact not even salt at all. They
are called calcium chloride pellets, and do more damage than good to both dogs and
humans. The warmth given off by the dogs feet when it comes in contact with the pellets
causes thermal burns. The dog then licks its paws to help ease the pain. This only causes
a greater risk to its health by getting it into its system. There is no specific antidote if this
is inhaled or swallowed. The use of regular salt, sand, or even kitty litter works just as
well if not better than calcium chloride pellets. The most plausible explanation for why
they don’t use these alternatives, is that the pellets are less expensive. The question I
want to ask you is this. Whether you have a dog or not, would you want to risk its health
just to save a few dollars for people who could probably stand to lose a few hundred
dollars?
New Yorkers love their dogs and want to keep them as happy and as healthy as they can.
This means protecting them from both the sickness and pain caused by the pellets and the
embarrassment caused by having to wear ridiculous outfits. I for one feel like a total Idiot
walking my menacing looking boxer down the street only to have people laugh at how
dumb he looks with his flipper style booties that cause him to walk sideways and his
sweater that has made in Bangladesh written on the tag. One could only hope that the
person dressing him was blind.
My Question remains. Would you really risk the life of your best friend? Your running
partner? Your bodyguard? I sure wouldn’t. So lets bring this city together and find an
alternative to this problem. This is New York, it can’t possibly be that hard. Or can it?
“I’m not taking him out dressed like that!” I yelled as I began pulling the boots
and sweaters off of my dog. “But he will hurt his feet on the salt without them” my
mother exclaimed. “Better to hurt than look like a jerk”, was my witty response moments
before the back of my head felt the sting of my mothers wedding band collide with it.
“He’s wearing them or your wearing them. You decide” she yelled.
You see them everywhere these days. Waddling down the streets of New York like
ducks. No I’m not talking about the inebriated hobo on the corner, I’m talking about
dogs. Thousands of them, all bundled up in the latest fashions from Canine Ranch or
Petco. Clothes that would most certainly send the Fab Five to an early grave. The boots,
or “booties” as some like to call them, come in all colours. They are usually fitted with
Velcro to make it easier for the owners of even the most unruly dogs to put them on with
little more than a few nips and kicks from your furry friend. From puke green to jet black,
they are sure to embarrass both dog and handler alike. The sweaters, or straight jackets as
“I” like to refer to them, also come in many colours and sizes. You can get T-shirt style
ones which are next to impossible to fit over your dogs head, or you can get poncho style
ones. Either way your pet is sure to be laughed at. The makers of the sweaters aren’t very
generous with sizes either. Supposedly coming in everything from extra extra small, to
extra extra extra large, they shrink immensely during their first wash.
The reason for the sudden spur in dog fashion is not only due to the cold. Worrisome
landlords and store owners buy a form of salt, which is in fact not even salt at all. They
are called calcium chloride pellets, and do more damage than good to both dogs and
humans. The warmth given off by the dogs feet when it comes in contact with the pellets
causes thermal burns. The dog then licks its paws to help ease the pain. This only causes
a greater risk to its health by getting it into its system. There is no specific antidote if this
is inhaled or swallowed. The use of regular salt, sand, or even kitty litter works just as
well if not better than calcium chloride pellets. The most plausible explanation for why
they don’t use these alternatives, is that the pellets are less expensive. The question I
want to ask you is this. Whether you have a dog or not, would you want to risk its health
just to save a few dollars for people who could probably stand to lose a few hundred
dollars?
New Yorkers love their dogs and want to keep them as happy and as healthy as they can.
This means protecting them from both the sickness and pain caused by the pellets and the
embarrassment caused by having to wear ridiculous outfits. I for one feel like a total Idiot
walking my menacing looking boxer down the street only to have people laugh at how
dumb he looks with his flipper style booties that cause him to walk sideways and his
sweater that has made in Bangladesh written on the tag. One could only hope that the
person dressing him was blind.
My Question remains. Would you really risk the life of your best friend? Your running
partner? Your bodyguard? I sure wouldn’t. So lets bring this city together and find an
alternative to this problem. This is New York, it can’t possibly be that hard. Or can it?