Midtown
04-09-2004, 03:48 PM
Last night, my buddy Ozzy (small asian dude, crazy as hell) asks my buddy nils and I if we want to go to asian night at a local hotspot. Being the tall white skinny boys we are, we are all for it. I mean come on, 364 days of the year I am a white boy, But not tonight bitches, this cracka is going asian style.
I make the effort to get drunk as **** as soon as we enter the club, we are laughing, and making fun of 90% of the people entering, it was like a mini circus. just asian. After a while I decide Urination would be a swell idea. I wander off to the bathroom, I enter. There are about 15 or so asian dudes waiting in line. And Brilliance hits me. I yell out "Holy ****, This is the first time I have ever been 100% sure I have the biggest **** in the room" They all wait a few seconds, unsure how to react, then all of them bust out laughing. Asian people love me. I want to take them home.
There are about 5 or 6 hot white girls in the club out of 1000 or so people. So I bust out my radar and Nils and I are working our asses off to lock on to them. "Where our cracka bitches at?" is what we kept asking all the asian dudes and girls, They just laugh and point where they last spotted the "cracka bitches". We decide that asian people are always happy, and we like them. Then a 300 lb asian wench enters. I **** you not, this girl looked like a volcano ready to bust. I was scared. We tried to convince ozzy to go hit that up. He was not taking the bait. damn. Oh well.
We continue our mission to lock those "honky bitches". Any time I see a white guy, I make him high five me and I yell "Cracka power!" white people were amused by me. Probably not, but I was drunk, and decided they did. Drunk logic riegns above all. Finally we dance with some white girls that were decent for a while, but some asian girls totally cockblock the white bitches from dancing with us " you white boys are cute" they say, I reply with "no no, we are asian for the night" they giggle. I dont think asian girls can laugh, they just giggle. oh well. The same annoying techno beat plays for what seems for an eternity. We dance with all sorts of silly asian girls. They are too cute, its like being in ****ing china, and your the american tourist. Except they dont want to kill you. We hope.
The night winds down with a booty shaking contest, Im not even going to get into details on that ****, but after everythings said and done, we stumble outside to go find our car...yeah good luck with that ****. The usual Minneapolis homeless folk start coming up to us with thier bs stories about "blah blah blah I need fiddy cent" **** em. I tell them "no no, we spent our money on booze and asian bitches, go get a job" they seem shocked. Good. At the end of the night Nils and I decide we need to be asian from now on. Asian people rock.
Have YOU ever been completly out of place? do tell the story.
I make the effort to get drunk as **** as soon as we enter the club, we are laughing, and making fun of 90% of the people entering, it was like a mini circus. just asian. After a while I decide Urination would be a swell idea. I wander off to the bathroom, I enter. There are about 15 or so asian dudes waiting in line. And Brilliance hits me. I yell out "Holy ****, This is the first time I have ever been 100% sure I have the biggest **** in the room" They all wait a few seconds, unsure how to react, then all of them bust out laughing. Asian people love me. I want to take them home.
There are about 5 or 6 hot white girls in the club out of 1000 or so people. So I bust out my radar and Nils and I are working our asses off to lock on to them. "Where our cracka bitches at?" is what we kept asking all the asian dudes and girls, They just laugh and point where they last spotted the "cracka bitches". We decide that asian people are always happy, and we like them. Then a 300 lb asian wench enters. I **** you not, this girl looked like a volcano ready to bust. I was scared. We tried to convince ozzy to go hit that up. He was not taking the bait. damn. Oh well.
We continue our mission to lock those "honky bitches". Any time I see a white guy, I make him high five me and I yell "Cracka power!" white people were amused by me. Probably not, but I was drunk, and decided they did. Drunk logic riegns above all. Finally we dance with some white girls that were decent for a while, but some asian girls totally cockblock the white bitches from dancing with us " you white boys are cute" they say, I reply with "no no, we are asian for the night" they giggle. I dont think asian girls can laugh, they just giggle. oh well. The same annoying techno beat plays for what seems for an eternity. We dance with all sorts of silly asian girls. They are too cute, its like being in ****ing china, and your the american tourist. Except they dont want to kill you. We hope.
The night winds down with a booty shaking contest, Im not even going to get into details on that ****, but after everythings said and done, we stumble outside to go find our car...yeah good luck with that ****. The usual Minneapolis homeless folk start coming up to us with thier bs stories about "blah blah blah I need fiddy cent" **** em. I tell them "no no, we spent our money on booze and asian bitches, go get a job" they seem shocked. Good. At the end of the night Nils and I decide we need to be asian from now on. Asian people rock.
Have YOU ever been completly out of place? do tell the story.