Reply With QuoteWow, that made my day great. Thanks AUDIE!
you have been in Iraq too long when...
written from a fobbits point of view, but still true and funny.
When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"
When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus
Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better
You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet
You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress
The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true)
You take the time to add your lines to this list
You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the *** scenes
You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks
Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you
You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds
When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times
When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away
When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf
Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, ***** and try to pick each other up
When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog
When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over
You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of *** in the City
You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Haji mart
You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back
Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone
Your idea of *** is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding?
You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad
You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country
You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah
You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah
You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy.
You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it.
You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there
You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural
You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides
The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket
You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.
When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"
You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)
When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."
When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.
While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.
When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.
When 12 hours is a short work day
You go Battle Captains!
When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs
within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.
When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary
When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times
When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting
When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant
When you end every phone conversation with "Out"
When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"
When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times
When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar
When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel
When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service
You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer
You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed
You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt
You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire
You decide for that for ****s and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper
You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)
The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades
When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...
You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's
You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable
You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves
You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake
You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite ***
A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine
You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation
feel free to add your own!
Wow, that made my day great. Thanks AUDIE!
I died at that one. Thanks for the laugh!Originally Posted by AUDIEM249
You start to think, "It's not so bad here."
You say, "This place kinds grows on you."
You say, "It's not the humidity, it's the heat"
You say, "It feels cooler today," only to find out that the temperature is 105
The term "Trailer Trash" is a term of endearment
You call your tent (trailer if you're lucky) "home"
A "weekend" lasts from 0730 to 1200 on Friday (more like 0730 to 1000)
You get excited at the idea of ice!
You don't jump when a door slams or someone drops something
You aren't alarmed when every second person you see has a gun . . .or two. . . or three
You kick aside the M-16 on the floor, without a second thought, when you sit down to eat in the Dining Facility
A Glock 9mm on a lady's hip is considered sexy
Mortars and rocket sounds are "okay" compared to IED's
You can measure distances based on explosion sounds
"Scoring" means you acquired a new weapon!
Bullet holes in cars no longer alarming; in fact, they're a badge of honour
Car selections consist of "hard" or "soft" (armoured or regular), not "Cadillac" or "Mercedes"
Road trips consist of six vehicles and large caliber weapons
Driving on the sidewalk is normal
Driving on the wrong side of a divided four-lane street is normal
Hit-and-run fender benders are treated as mere 'warnings'
Riding in hot Humvees is preferred to an air-conditioned soft car
You get upset that you don't get C-130 frequent flyer miles
Your carry-on luggage includes body armour and a helmet
You start believing deodorant should be a personal choice
KBR buzz cuts begin to look stylish
"Texas Barriers" are something other than a device to keep Texans out
"Jersey Walls" are something other than fences to keep Holsteins away from the Jerseys
You get excited at the presence of clouds
You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before
You look forward to Mango Ice Cream as the treat of the day
Powdered eggs taste okay
You consider 'plastic ware' the Palace China
The quality of the plastic utensils becomes a hot dinner topic
Scamming a 3rd can of soda makes you feel like you got even with someone
Going to another mess hall is an adventure
Sand between your feet and thong sandals actually feels good
The color white is no longer an option
You can recognize 12 different camouflage patterns
The most fashion-forward accessories are shoulder holsters, thumb-drives and cell phones
You are soothed by the sounds of helicopters flying six feet over your trailer
You get a big smile when your see your clothing actually pressed at the KBR laundry
You think bullet holes in the roof of your trailer is just another form of ventilation
You haven't had water from anything other than a water bottle for months on end
Forgetting your DOD badge makes you feel *****
"Only one rocket has hit the Palace" is excellent news
Stars & Stripes seems to be a liberal newspaper
Acronyms become the acceptable language
It feels normal to have to run outside to make a cell phone call
You call your co-workers on a cell phone as soon as new T-shirt patterns arrive at the PX
"Can you hear me?" takes up 50% of your cellular telephone conversations
You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before
lol
Ten times better then the list i found, brought back some memories too. good **** man!
Some good ones in there!!
Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, ***** and try to pick each other up
&
A Glock 9mm on a lady's hip is considered sexy.
Wednesday karaoke night at the Palace pool was always a hoot. And I don't care who you are or where you are a chick wearing a pistol in low rise pants is sexy.
Cool list.
humour
hi, very good thread, really funny, takes me back to my service days, you cannot beat the humour from times of adversity.
i realy liked,
You know ten times as many South Africans as you've ever known before
i served in the british army and we had lot`s of them, all nice lad`s
thank you for the laugh. bye for now jimmy
Last edited by jimmytx3; 11-24-2007 at 09:23 AM. Reason: spelling
yeah most of those are pretty true, good thread audie
"You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah"
Oh God, so true in my case...so sad and true...
morale boosting story right here, on FOB Marez in Mosul there were some chicks from the Air Force that were the only military allowed to wear civie's and for good reason.
two very attractive girls and tight fitting clothing with there beretta M9's on their hip. i **** you not, they came into open sight, every man with a half kilometer distance stopped moving and all probability stopped breathing.
I used to get super pissed when chicks would come into MY gym, and distract me from working out.
I'm married so hot chicks just piss me off. So much angst....
You speak the truth Beo....
Distraction from members of the opposite *** is annoying while at the gym, you never finish your program.
The best gym I have worked out at was a kind of prison style gym, no females and heavy iron weights with rust on them. I miss the hell out of that place, it had real character... It got destroyed by a fire, and was never allowed to open again. <--- Because of fire safety rules..
Pussy fire safety rules, its a gym...
that one made me laugh
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