* NEW * Favorite Quotes from MP.net thread *

[sgt_G]

from the gore split thread
http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums...-split!!/page2

"Honey, I understand you want to put the spice back in our relationship but your plans are simply environmentally unsustainable. Let's just look at the obvious culprits: by buying those leather thigh-highs and riders' crop, you've unwittingly contributed the unchecked cattle industry which is responsible for heavy carbon emissions and the mass deforestation of the rainforest and other vital regions of the earth in order to make room for grazing territory. Of course, that pales in comparison to the horrific and damaging production of polymers. Not only is it further contributing to accelerating global warming but it leaves byproducts that will continue to poison the environment. Simply put, that PVC bodysuit, ballgag, corset, and Mickey Mouse-themed gasmask is going to be on this earth hundreds if not thousands of years after humanity becomes extinct. Are you seriously planning on using that plug-in double-*****? I understand that makes it rechargeable but do you know how much carbon dioxide and methane is emitted from oil, coal, and natural gas power plants each day? Now I know you're thinking thats not a problem since you have the battery operated anal beads as a stand-by, but did you know that in month alone Americans waste enough battery acid to fill several Olympic swimming pools? I believe I speak for all three of us when I say that we need to seek an environmentally friendly solution to our...where are you going? Please don't give me that look. I can be adventurous; we can even leave the lights on this time even though it will probably send our carbon credit rating through the roof. Well, if you have to leave can you and Ricardo at least take the Prius this time?"

[kimujnr]

From the "too many stickies" thread.

I would like to make your Mom sticky.

[kinney_bmx]

From the ghastly thread

I was in the kitchen one night, I was gonna get some water. I turned on the light and some sort of transparent girl was standing there, in front my fridge with the fridge door open. I couldn't move or anything, I just stood there and watched her. She saw me and smiled. I managed to say "who are you?" Kinda stupid since she was a ghost... She told me her name was Maria and she was murdered somewhere in my area 50 years ago. I asked another stupid question, I said "Are you gonna hurt me?"... She smiled again and said no. She started moving towards me, she was really close now. I could still not move. She unzipped my pants... and grabbed my ****. She gave me a blow job, it was really cool because she was transparent, so I could see my **** through her head and all. It felt great, but kinda cold. I shot my load through her head, it landed on the floor. She looked up at me, smiled, and vanished. True story.

I lol'd hard

[gaijinsamurai]

You gotta watch out for that Afghan heroin. I was sitting at a Starbucks, pretending to write the Great American Novel, using a couple of pieces of wood that I had formed and painted to look like an iPad, when VOOOM! From out of nowhere, this Afghan heroin comes out from under the counter and knocks the fake glasses off my face! Next thing I know, I'm rolling around on the floor, fighting this dirty bastard Afghan heroin, and getting my Banana Republic pre-stressed clothes all stressed for reals, and I'm all like "get away from me Afghan heroin!" and "stop touching me Afghan heroin!!" and it's trying to go in my nose or veins or something I'm not really sure what heroin does, and I was like screw this.

Another 2_Sheds Classic

http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums...=1#post4994212

[Andrew116]

lmao those last two are great!

[kawaiku]

Ok. Well, first, have a bunch of totally n00b Delta Force dudes get pwned by the terrorists, so they can request help from a rogue squad of guys who have one guy who specializes in Martial Arts, one dude whose really good at blowing stuff up and drops funny one-liners like 'I hope they had insurance!!!' and the team leader, who is a mentally tortured former Marine suffering from illogical flashbacks to Operation Praying Mantis. Then, have the team (with a cool call-sign like 'BloodThorn') bungee jump to the rescue, each of them armed with a completely different weapon, pistols with 20X scopes and the Martial Arts guy armed with a pair of gold-plated butterfly knives. From there, the team leader has a PTSD flashback and falls down crying that he can't go on, and tells the team to go ahead without him. So the team moves on, promising that they'll be back for him, and they go rescue the Delta Force guys, who are obviously incapable of doing anything right themselves.

Meanwhile, the terrorists bring in reinforcements, including a sinister Russian chick named Olga Vigloolivitch, who is an RPG-Sniper. As BloodThorn carries all the Delta guys out on their shoulders, and shooting wildly over their shoulders, the demo expert lays IEDs behind them. As the first terrorists get close, he blows the charges, yelling "Terrorist! It's what's for dinner!!!" Then he sprints along and catches up with the rest of the team.

As they near the extraction zone, Olga starts sniping them at record distances with match grade RPGs. Almost instantly, all the heroes are wounded and/or have all clothing blown from their bodies, exposing rippling abs, solid pecs, and glistening flesh. They inexplicably flex at all opportunities to showcase their impressive muscular structures.

Seeing the team in trouble, the Team Leader, lying in an alley shakes off his PTSD, because it's just that easy. Then he screams 'Nooooooo!!!!" and grabs two terrorist Ak47s conveniently lying nearby, chickenwings them, and goes charging into Olga's sniper hide screaming hysterically, because everyone knows thats possible when you're also trying to run. He has an over dramatic flashback as he realizes that Olga was the daughter of a Soviet adviser on an Iranian oil rig he raided back in the 80s. He had disobeyed orders from higher telling him to kill her, as she was the most deadly seven year old the world had ever seen. Wincing through his tears, he aims in at her and tells her "I'm here to finish what I started!!!"

Action scene for a novel.

[SniperLane]

I have an idea about opening a mechanic shop where women work on your car....see i would divide it with japanese women working on toyotas and hondas, farmers' daughters working on full size work trucks (i.e. 1/2 ton Fords, Chevys, or Dodges) and Buicks worked on by little old women.

fu'kin genious i tells ya!

[goat89]

fu'kin genious i tells ya!

I saw that 1st you B*stard! ><
Yes, its fu'kin genius I tell ya!!!!

[SniperLane]

hahhai know but i tought it deserves more credit :P

[Sloppy Joe2]

The advice that is given to MP.net members as it should to people in office (advice that was given to me):

Insulting someone and calling names does not prove your point. Nor does it help your situation either (can make it worst).

Gates is a moron, and his statement was unjustified. Hopefully the Russian government will just laugh and brush it aside.

this hurt my head

[futurepilot2004]

A newish one

My thought exactly! Wouldn't put it pass God to materialise some minerals for the hard working Christian soldiers. Reward for a job well done. He works in mysterious ways you know.

http://www.militaryphotos.net/forums...hanistan/page2

[SuperSirius]

Are we going to be seeing you in the news at some point?

Yeah, I'm sure we will see him in the news.

*News Report*
"This just in a over age airsoft nutcase went to Afghanistan to prove his "real steel" skills that he learned from his time practicing shooting his airsoft guns.

Fortunately, the military decided against no action towards the man and allowed him to do as he pleased.

Guinness World Records is reporting a new record: "Fastest death after entering a new country: 12.07 seconds"

*End Report*

God that will be the day. I'm new and I already hate this guy.

[lurker666]

Where are you quoting from SuperSirius?

[FrankBooth]

this hurt my head

I imagine he cancels out his own train of thought more often than not.

[khalifah]

1) Ok. I know i use hyperbole now and then...but this is entirely honest. There is no coffee in the house. This is the biggest threat to humanity since the LHC.
Il get the shakes. Really bad. And the laws of physics say I will convey these vibrations to the earth. Causing the planet to shake at the resonant frequency and shatter like a wine glass. Killing us all.
That or I'll be really grumpy to anyone I meet and possibly causing shock heart attacks at the change from my usual cheery demeanour. So any emergency deliveries of instant coffee or red bull may well save thousands of lives...

2) I swear to god. If the burglar alarm across the street is not silenced this second I will be forced to go knock and ask very nicely that it cease. By which i mean murder them all with an empty coffee jar, turn the gas on and light a memorial candle by their bloody remains.

Corrupt is a funny guy when deprived of coffee