The squares that don't bother to read this thread have no idea what they're missing. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now.
Alright its going to be hard to beat those stories, but here is one that was told on another forum:Originally Posted by Clete Torres
"Well, the last few days here have been hell on my bowels. I had the runs for a couple of days and I thought I was in the clear. I was relieved to be having dry farts and I though everything was going to be OK.
Anyways, I'm sleeping on my cot, when I'm suddenly awakened by some serious cramps and the urge to....well, let one loose. Now this is usually fun in a tent with 7 other guys (it's a guy thing), and I was silently laughing in anticipation of the stench that would soon fill the tent. I was expecting the normal gasps of outrage, and it was during these thoughts I tried to squeeze it out.
Well, there I am, laying on my stomach with my butt somewhat elevated under the covers. I'm pushing, but my butt feels kind of glued together, so I push harder. Suddenly, what erupted was not the loud blast I had been expecting. No, what I heard was a much quieter grurgling wet sounding Blaaaattt.
I lay there in silent mortification. I was pushing pretty hard, so the liquidy geyser that gushed forth was not small. I could feel it on my legs, back, and running under me.
At about this time I hear somebody say "what the hell was that"? I'm trying to lay thier quietly and figure out what to do next, when the smell hit me. Within a few seconds everybody else was gasping and leaving the tent.
I slowly got up and cleaned myself off the best I could with the clean parts of my sheets. I bundled them up and put them all in a plastic bag to take to the dumpster. About this time I hear the cans of deodorant spraying throughout the tent, so now there is a smell of crap and Old Spice, and about 3 other kinds of deodorant. Everbody is also pissed off at being awakened by the smell. One individual put on his gas mask. He was walking around sounding like Darth Vader when I hear him say "I think my mask is Fu&*#! because I can still smell it".
Everybody still thinks it was just a normal fart and I intend to keep it that way. I still have to figure out where to get some more sheets, but for now I'm going to break out my sleeping bag and reflect for a while on what happened."
31C
The squares that don't bother to read this thread have no idea what they're missing. I'm wiping tears from my eyes right now.
Long time lurker, first time posting.
fall of '95. The first day of my senior yr at coastal carolina university. My girl picked me up that morn, she went to the community college accross the street from my school. I would walk over to my school in the morn, and catch a ride home after class, so I loaded my backpack up with books and supplies. We arrived at her school around 8AM, I walked accross the highway to my schools property. There was a trail through about 2 acers of woods into a small clearing next to the back parking lot of my school. Just around the area of the clearing, I get that rumbling feeling. Can I make it to the student center about 300 yrds away? I start to rush, then realize it won't work... hell, I am in the woods anyway, I'll go here. However, the situation is changing rapidly.. all of a sudden I realize the 2 minute warning went off about 1 min 45 seconds ago. I gotta go NOW! OK, but this darn back pack.. won't... come off.. struggling with it.. hurry.. screw the pack, I'll **** with it on... now going for my jeans.. uh oh! It happend! I was just a bit to late. sharted all over myself! Well, at least I am alone in the woods. So, I get my jeans off, shed my boxers into the bushes. I am standing there, backpack on, holding up and cleaning my jeans out in the woods when I hear the shriek of two girls who were in the parking lot and saw me in the clearing. I guess I didn't hide well enough. They freaked and stared yelling "oh my god!".. look at that pervert freak!". I took off into the woods, backpack on, butt ***** from the waist down, carring my soiled jeans.. I start screaming as well. I finally get well consealed.. I clean the jeans the best I could with leaves, notebook paper and whatever else I could use. I take an alternate route into campus. I head for the bookstore to buy some boxers and shorts... mind you, this was the first day of school. The bookstore was packed... I smell like **** and I run into all sorts of people I have not seen since last semester. This one girl was a good friend of mine and came up to me wanting a hug. I did a quick hug, she was asking me what was going on, blah blah.. I am going insane mentally at this point just wanting to get out. I try my best not to be rude, act like I am late for class and get out of there. I run to the otherside of campus, hit the gym shower and get cleaned up. I missed my class that day and my ride home. I finally caught back up with my girlfriend in the afternoon. I then had to explain what happend to my clothes and why I all of a sudden was wearing bright green Coastal shorts. Of course, I had to lie. it was a mess... looking back though, halarious.
haha, excellent. The fact that you screamed as you ran too makes it awesome.
Man... I thought I had bad days
Bump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha, this was a good thread
Holy sh*t, I can't stop laughing!
clete you are the most amazing persona on the internet. please make a newsletter and i will promise to subscribe to it, but not necessarily read it all the time.Holy sh*t, I can't stop laughing!
I subscribe to a newsletter than I haven't read for over 3 years. Every night when it gets sent, I just delete it. It's just nice to have regular mail.
oh please my experience was worse than his
quoted for truth
your experience is worse. but in a sort of, wow i feel sorry for you way.
Hell's hot tub thread has inspired me to bump this thing and I'd also like to submit this thread for permanent archive in the Invite Only section. And for any new guys reading this thing be sure and look on page 5. Even James accidentally shit his pants when he was out in the desert one time. LOL.
I've sharted a few times in my life.
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