Got a mate who’s a GP. All of a sudden there’s a commotion in reception and he gets called to help out because some dodgery old git has fallen down outside the practice. As he gets outside he sees all the nurses running back into the surgery. Its seems that the old fart was riding his bicycle near the practice when he felt a real sizzla coming down his sigmoid.
He had chucked his bike onto the pavement and tried to run into the surgery to use the toilet but slipped on the flagstone path. The receptionist saw this and went out to help with some nurses. As they picked him up thinking he was just a patient coming for his appointment one of his cycle clips came off his ankles.
The nurses on noticing some strange slurry seeping out of his trousers leg slowly twigged it wasn’t Bistow and that this guy was not a patient. So they did a runner a let my mate take care of him. My mate gagged all the way to the toilet, with this guy leaving a trail of marmite on the carpet and all the flies getting their knives and forks out.
An hour later the old fart came out their toilet when a relative came to pick him up. Apparently the toilet looked rather “frothy”.
Like last year, I ate something that was not fully cooked I guess and I had diarrhea everyday for about a week every few half hours. Even when I was sleeping, the diarrhea would come like 5 times during my sleep. But I never **** on the bed, just on my pants when it came without my permission in bed, and the diarrheas all last about 30mins each with things coming every few seconds... Most horrible feeling of my life ever! And I used Pepto Bismo which is suppose to work but it did nothing but made me throw up!
**** you 20122. how goes does gaz type drunk? dricl. man
A terra dos foguetes
Originally Posted by 31C
Alright its going to be hard to beat those stories, but here is one that was told on another forum:
"Well, the last few days here have been hell on my bowels. I had the runs for a couple of days and I thought I was in the clear. I was relieved to be having dry farts and I though everything was going to be OK.
Anyways, I'm sleeping on my cot, when I'm suddenly awakened by some serious cramps and the urge to....well, let one loose. Now this is usually fun in a tent with 7 other guys (it's a guy thing), and I was silently laughing in anticipation of the stench that would soon fill the tent. I was expecting the normal gasps of outrage, and it was during these thoughts I tried to squeeze it out.
Well, there I am, laying on my stomach with my butt somewhat elevated under the covers. I'm pushing, but my butt feels kind of glued together, so I push harder. Suddenly, what erupted was not the loud blast I had been expecting. No, what I heard was a much quieter grurgling wet sounding Blaaaattt.
I lay there in silent mortification. I was pushing pretty hard, so the liquidy geyser that gushed forth was not small. I could feel it on my legs, back, and running under me.
At about this time I hear somebody say "what the hell was that"? I'm trying to lay thier quietly and figure out what to do next, when the smell hit me. Within a few seconds everybody else was gasping and leaving the tent.
I slowly got up and cleaned myself off the best I could with the clean parts of my sheets. I bundled them up and put them all in a plastic bag to take to the dumpster. About this time I hear the cans of deodorant spraying throughout the tent, so now there is a smell of crap and Old Spice, and about 3 other kinds of deodorant. Everbody is also pissed off at being awakened by the smell. One individual put on his gas mask. He was walking around sounding like Darth Vader when I hear him say "I think my mask is Fu&*#! because I can still smell it".
Everybody still thinks it was just a normal fart and I intend to keep it that way. I still have to figure out where to get some more sheets, but for now I'm going to break out my sleeping bag and reflect for a while on what happened."
Maybe its the booze, but thats the funniest shit I've read in a long time. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. Fucking smoker lungs.