Reply With QuoteThe morning after a one-night-stand a blonde asks him to drive her home.
"No can do", he says. "Because of alcohol I lost my license."
"Oh my", she says. "Where do you want me to look for it?"
Also another one by JC
The thing that used to annoy me most about church when I was growing up was all the standing up, then sitting down, then kneeling. I wish you could just pick up position and **** me
The morning after a one-night-stand a blonde asks him to drive her home.
"No can do", he says. "Because of alcohol I lost my license."
"Oh my", she says. "Where do you want me to look for it?"
A blonde walks into a bank with a 5-gallon water jug filled with change into a bank to cash it out. The male teller looks at the woman and says, "That's a lot of change. Did it take a long time to hoard it all?"
"No," she replied, "my sister whored half of it."
Another retarded joke that needs visualization...
I don't know why but this one almost killed me. And the longer you think about it the funnier it gets.
How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they just beat the room for being black.
Muck, there is a famous band now, "LMFAO" and they're not French. Non non.
What do men and women have in common?
They both need tissues while watching good movies
A mother goes to the doctor with her 12 year old child for his annual check up. At the end of the check up, the doctor declares that the boy is healthy, and talks to the boy about puberty and the changes his body is going through.
Privately, the mother asks, "Is there any way to make his ***** grow larger?" The doctor tells her that a good remedy is lots of carbohydrates to promote growth. He recommends a bagel every morning.
The next day the boy wakes up and sees a plate piled with bagels on the kitchen table. The boy asks his mother if he can have some, and she replies, "Yes, you can have ONE. The rest are for your father."
Do you know what is the difference between a circus and a strip club?
- A circus is full of cunning stunts.
Defence Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Old Lady:
I am 94 years old.
Defence Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,
When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney:
Did you know him?
Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defence Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
He began to rub all over my body.
Defence Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defence Attorney:
Why not?
Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Attorney:
What happened next?
Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy' that I just laid down and told him
'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defence Attorney:
Did he take you?
Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' …………….And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
How do you fix your dish washer? You beat her.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Originally Posted by wwjs
Thanks for the good laugh!
Images of Michael Jackson are to appear on cans of Pepsi to mark the 25th anniversary of the release of his album 'Bad'.So, nearly 3 years after his death, he's still finding his way down children's throats.
I dont remember where i heard it, but viagra affects your memory.
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