Reply With QuoteNo, I'm not. I'm a very delicate and romantic person.Originally Posted by Laworkerbee
TANKER you f*cking minyak
The joke might not be as funny in English as it is in Polish
here's the translation
A Polish guy is eating a breakfast, out of nowhere a German man sits at his table while chewing some gum. After few minutes of silent siting the German speaks:
G-Do you, Polaks, eat the whole loaf of bread? Because we Germans eat only the inside and the rest we recycle into toast bread and export it to Poland. Do you eat any jam?
P- We do...
G- Because we Germans only eat fresh fruit, the rest we recycle into jam and export it to Poland.
P- Do you have a lot of *** in Germany?
G- We do....
P- So what do you do with the used condoms?
G- We throw them out to garbage.
P- Because here in Poland we recycle the used condoms into chewing gum and export them to Germany.
No, I'm not. I'm a very delicate and romantic person.TANKER you f*cking minyak
Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
ohh, come on put some more funny next time.
A Polak, a German and a Russian got lost in the desert without any food supplies. They made a pact that each week one of them will sacrifice some kind of part of their own body for food so the whole group can survive.
The first week the German cuts off his leg and fedd the group. The whole week the group has been eating the German's leg.
The second week the Russian says, a **** it I need both legs so I can walk, and chops off his arm. For the whole week they have been ating the Russian's arm.
So the third weeks comes up and it's the Polaks turn to provide the food.
Polak thinks hard what to do. He does not want lose an arm or a leg, then suddenly he stands up and pulls down his pants.
The German says: Finally we can eat some good Polish sausage, and he gets really excited.
Polish guy says no, no it YOGURT time and then you two are off to bed.
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Due to huge number of immigrants crossing the Russian border, Kremlin issued a new policy. Each time somebody wanted to cross the Russian border he had to tell the border guard what was his occupation.
1st migrant
Ivan- What is your occupation, sir?
1st M- I am a teacher.
Ivan - Okay you can cross the border, and so does the migrant.
2nd migrant
Ivan- Madam what is your occupation?
2nd M- I am nurse.
Ivan- You can pass.
3rd Migrant
Ivan - Sir what is your occupation?
3rd M- he says well I am a homo******.
Ivan- What is that?
3rd M- Come to the bushes with me and I will show you.
They Ivan the Russian guard follows the guy into the bushes.
now the guy says,
3rd M- Mr. Officer please pull down your pants and bend over.
The border guard complies.
3rd M asks the Russian guard,
- Can you feel my finger in your azz?
- Why yes I can
- But look here are all of my fingers, says the guy while showing both hands to the guard.
The border guard screams to his fellow colleague,
HEY MIKHOLAI PUT HIS OCCUPATION AS A MAGICIAN
Good one man.
Polak, German and a Russian were to smuggle a squirrel through the border, to make the quest harder they were suppose to smuggle the squirrel inside their underwear.
The first one goes the Polak, the squirrel swirls and jumps in his pants, but he manages to cross the border.
The second goes German. The squirrel jumps, scratches and bits, but he manages to cross the border.
Russian was the last one of the group to attempt the quest.
He starts walking, in the middle of the way he starts screaming , and he can't stand any longer, he grabs the squirrel and throws it out of his underwear. Of course he and his two fellow companions are caught by the border guard and are taken to the police station.
Polak and German , both accomplishing the task without too much trouble had to ask the Russian what happened
The Russian while crying and shivering starts to explain;
In the beginning I did not feel any pain.
When the squirrel made a branch out of my ***** I was able to withstand the pain. When that the squirrel took my balls for her nuts I was able to withstand the pain. When the squirrel made a her nesting place from my azz, the pain was still manageable. However when she attempted to take the nuts inside her nesting place, I could not FUKING take it anymore
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically... so he asked his dad.
His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000. He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes".
"Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes."
And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!"
And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"
How does Hitler tie his laces?
.....IN LITTLE NAZI'S!!! AHAHAHA GET IT! Nazi's?? like knots....just with -zi's at the end
The Diary of a Wanker:
Day one.
I wanked today with my left hand. It was OK, I guess...
Day two.
I wanked today with my right hand. It was much better, it was simply great!
Day three.
To day I had *** with a woman - a pale resemblance of the left hand...
I don´t get the funny.
An 85 year old englishman is travelling to France for a holiday. He arrives at Charles de Gaulle airport and eventually reaches passport control.
"Passport please" says the immigration official.
The old guy starts rumaging around his bag, "hang on a sec, it's here somwhere..."
"Have you visited France before?" asks the official.
"Yes" replies the old guy, "Many years ago"
"Well sir, you should know to have your passport ready when you reach passport control."
The old guy looks a little pissed off; "Last time I was here, I didn't have to show my passport."
The immigration official is becoming increasingly impatient with the pensioner, "What do you mean, every Englishman who enters France MUST show his passport."
The old guy gives a really dirty look and replies "Last time I was here was June 6th 1944, on Juno beach and I couldn't find a fucking Frenchman to show my passport to!"
One day Hillary Clinton calls bill and says "Bill you son of a bitch. You got me pregnant."
Bill just says "DAMN"
Hillary keeps ranting and says "How will this affect my public image. I can't be running for president and be pregnant. What do you have to say for yourself?!?!"
Theres a long pause....
Finally Hillary says "Bill are you there?"
Bill replies "Who is this?"
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